+::.time to fly.::+

silenced.

2006-06-20T15:56:00.000+08:00

farewell blog.

today you shall perish, and i shall no longer put life in you.
for looking back on all the things i have done, said and thought,
i was but a mere child.

i want to embark on a new journey.
where i feel the place is la bella vista.
where i can ramble without restrictions.
where i can find solace.
and to start anew.
not here i won't.
for it is open for all to see.

all my Yamapi and Japanese fandoms.
all the little drips and draps.
and the chapters that have opened,
and came to a close.
all the wounds that were opened,
the wounds that were healed.
the wounds where salt was rubbed into.
the wounds that left scars.

i shall not forget.
that all this will always be a part of me.

do not mistaken that i do not want to acknowledge that this is me.
no, for i did consider deleting this blog entirely,
but i stopped myself,
because this shall be a reminder to myself,
and something to reflect back on how much i've grown.

so as i leave you to dust and time,
you will be but a memory.
the bittersweet.

sayounara.
mk.

unfaithful.

2006-06-19T16:14:00.000+08:00

IYAAAA~
YEAH.
HOW'S EVERYONE TODAY?
KUROSAGI ENDS THIS WEEK INSTEAD!
I AM ECSTATIC.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
IT'S ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE...
BUT..
BUT..
BUT....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
WHEE~

PRAISE THE HEAVENS!
YEAH!

by the way i had the weirdest dream...
but i shall not post it here.
tee hee hee.
it was a good dream.
and i hope it happens.
we'll have to see this week. =)

have to stop slacking.
mk.

me and you.

2006-06-16T09:55:00.000+08:00

iyaaa~
how's everyone today?

i woke up hearing thunder, and then i couldn't go back to sleep.
so here i am, blogging, after watching Oprah Winfrey re-runs. =)

anyways, i checked my mail and mum sent me this :

What's True Love?

It was a busy morning, approximately 8 : 30 am, when an elderly gentleman in
his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.
He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9 am.
I took his vital signs and had him take a seat,
knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him.
I saw him looking repeatedly at his watch and decided,
since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On examination, it was well-healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the
needed supplies to remove his stitches and redressed his wound.
While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation.
I asked him if he had an important appointment that morning,
as he seemed to be in such a hurry.
The gentleman told me no ; that he only needed to go to the nursing home
to eat breakfast with his wife.
I then inquired as to her health.
He told me that she had been there for a while already
and that she was a victim of Alzheimer Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound,
I asked if she would be worried if he was a bit late.
He replied that she no longer knew who he was ;
that she had not recognized him for five years now.
I was surprised, and asked him.
" And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are ? "
He smiled as he patted my hand and said :
“ She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is. "

I had to hold back my tears as he left.
I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought :
" That is the kind of love I want in my life. "

True love is neither physical, nor romantic.
True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.
With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails,
sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message,
and this is one of those kinds.
I just had to share it with you.

" The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they
just make the best of everything that comes along their way. "

i liked it a lot, and i think it's very true.
so minna~ (everyone)
let's all pitch in with all we have, (haha)
and strive to find a love like that!

**********************************************************

IYAAAA.
iyo iyo desu...
Kurosagi is going to end this week.
[EDIT] OH MY GOD IT ENDS TODAY. IT'S FRIDAY!
OH MY GOD.
yamapi said it's the climax?
ahhhh.
i want to see how did tsurara and kurosaki end up playing fireworks... TOGETHER.
oh my God i'm so sad it's ending...
but i want to see how it's ending...
but i don't want it to end so fast...
GAH.

hmmm~
filming would definitely have ended by now.
=(

No Border.
mk.

we ride.

2006-06-14T15:21:00.000+08:00

Dad said i should open up if i'm keeping something from him and Mum.
i don't know.
how can he sense that?
what am i hiding?

so many things.
i need someone to talk to.
pronto.

where's bundit, sue ann and jacq?
ahhhh.
i need to spill soon.

kurosagi is coming to an end.
iyo iyo...
saishu kai desu ne.
SABAISHII WA~

hm.
i've been feeling a little blue nowadays.

don't know why.
no no..
musn't think that way!

must pitch in with all i have. =)
i really need to start doing my homework.
i haven't touched a single asssignment.

oh dear.
Os are coming and i can't seem to be bothered.

listen.
sometimes you'll miss out on the good things...
if you keep talking all the time.
mk.

dareka no negai ga kanau koro

2006-06-11T22:07:00.000+08:00

konyachiwa~
how's everyone today?

i'm really happy,
cause i heard from my cousin today.
seems like she was really busy though, her reply was very short.
she is interning at a bank in Okayama.
but i totally understand.

how nice it would be to rush forth and grab the opportunities available.
i thought to myself that as i was reading the mail.
so from now i shall work even harder. =)

but i'm happy for nee-chan.
i hope everything works well for her.

i plan to finally start doing all the pending assignments lying around my house.
so yeah.
i'll pitch in with all i have too. =) (ne? yamashita-san.)
iyaa~ because i will want to live my life without having regrets.

regrets are things that make you feel the worse.
having more than one regret in life will lead to more pain.
what happens when the pain doesn't go away?
different consequences for different people.

so i tell myself.
i must at least try.

everything is happening so fast...
and just thinking about what's going to happen.

scared?
excited.
anticipating..

sometimes the things you imagine are miles away from reality.
and that's how people are.
they'd pretty much rather believe a good story than the truth.

change.
take it.
let it be a part of you.
and finally..
accept it.

dareka no negai ga kanau koro.

chiisana koto de daiji na mono wo ushinatta
tsumetai yubiwa ga watashi ni hikatte miseta
"ima sae areba ii" to itta kedo sou ja nakatta
anata e tsudzuku DOA ga oto mo naku kieta

anata no shiawase negau hodo
wagamama ga fueteku yo
soredemo anata wo hikitometai itsu datte sou
dareka no negai ga kanau koro
ano ko ga naiteru yo
sono mama tobira no oto wa naranai

minna ni hitsuyou to sareru kimi mo iyaseru tatta
hitori ni naritakute sukoshi gaman shisugita na

jibun no shiawase negau koto
wagamama dewa nai deshou
sore nara anata wo dakiyosetai dekiru dake gyutto
watashi wo namida ga kawaku koro
ano ko ga naiteru yo

kono mama bokura no jimen wa kawakanai
anata no shiawase negau hodo
wagamama ga fueteku yo
anata wa watashi wo hikitomenai itsu datte sou

dareka no negai ga kanau koro
ano ko ga naiteru yo
minna mo negai wa douji ni wa kanawanai

chiisana chikyuu ga mawaru hodo
yasashisa mi ni tsuku yomou ichido
anata wo dakishimetai
dekiru dake sotto

zen ryoku to kyu.
mk.

passion.

2006-06-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

hello.
how's everyone today?

i was in an amazingly good mood today.
suddenly i was very focused, i even picked out what to wear for tomorrow without having a headache. =)
speaking of which, i went shopping today!

i bought an ENTIRE outfit, which was quite shocking.
i meant.
WHOLE outfit.
from head to toe.
i bought nice nice wedges. i think they were espadrilles, but aaron said those weren't. oh well.
i bought a nice flowy top.
i bought 3 necklaces.
one sorta bohemian.
another pearl one,
and one gold beaded one, stringed by a ribbon.
nice. =)
i bought pants.
there.
head to toe.
seriously.

i haven't spent so extravagantly for quite long alr.
but it felt good.

mum paid for most, but i paid for my own pants.
and accessories. =)

not the point right?
that was so random.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

AHHHH.
kurosagi is going to end soon.
i am so sad.
but i want to see how it ends.

maybe there will part 2?
most probably not though.

GAHHHHH.
yukari yukari.
i hope she dies.
...
okay maybe not.
but well.
she really is.
mean.

could you pour wine over your best friends head and humiliate her?
by which the manager later comes and asks what's wrong.
and then you say she was being rude.

i don't get how she can think nothing of her friend,
because of one guy who said nice things.

well.
even if she doesn't really get attention at home.
STILL.

aiyoh.
only 0.3%.
i hope it'll be done by tomorrow.

well.
i'll know soon enough.
have fun you guys.

i want to follow my dreams and live it.
mk.

just like this.

2006-06-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

lately the weather's been extreme.
and everything seems either delicate.
or very vague.

recently i feel like a cloud.
white, fluffy and happy at times.
grey at times.
and sometimes i pour.
and now that i think about it.
clouds are pretty much poor things.

why?

they are pushovers.
aren't they?
the wind carries them, they don't move on their own can they?
and they can't 'cry' at will.
they have to wait till it's climax before it actually rains.

yet.
they bring a soft gentleness.
one can calm down and actually feel better just looking at it.
so it's not bad being a cloud. =)

.
.
.
.
.

but i'm no pushover.
not going to be one.
and never will be.

lately i've been spending a lot of time alone.
bundit's away in thailand enjoying tom yam.
and jacq's busy...
sue ann's busy...

but sometimes time spent alone is good too.
though it brings a little wrench in your heart.
a little uneasiness.
and maybe no sense of security.
but these times i say.
"no no mk. you will be strong and independent!"
besides.
i ALWAYS.

have yamapi.

oh oh!
i digress.
i went for my first Japanese lesson on Sunday.
and my sensei wanted us to do self-introductions.
so i said the usual.
and my motive for wanting to learn the language.
i said i wanted to live in Japan in the future.
and because i had interest for Japan dramas.
and also because i like Yamapi.
what did i get?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

blank stares and head scratching.
my classmates didn't know who he was!
neither did my teacher.
i thought he should be like super famous by now,(daite~ daite~daite~ senorita! tsuyoku~ tsuyoku~ tsuyoku hanasanaide~)
but maybe because i was the youngest there.
and wei wen-san said he had interest for this actress.
and it seemed like everyone there knew who she was,
.
.
.
.
except me.
so.
yeah.
i felt a bit embarassed.
hahahaha.
so i said.
"zannen desu ne.." (what a pity...)

anyways this week i plan to show my sensei his picture. =)
she will exclaim "iyaaa~ kakkoi desu ne kono hito wa." (iyaa~ he's pretty cool isn't he?)
and i shall just giggle.
everyone must know yamapi.
especially the girls..=)

OH OH.
i digress again.
today i was watching entertainment news and they had a feature article on Pi.
it was short.
but.

anyways the report said he refused to come in contact with any of the female stars,
and the chinese words read "shan xia zhi jiu gao zi bi"
yamapi.
ZI BI.
i kinda observed that from him for a while now.
not that he really is zi bi,
but he WOULD NEVER mention a female's name in his diary entries.
he never touches them on air.
and stuff.
but still.
while i watched the report my heart broke.
because i figured he's only doing this because of his fans.
all the screaming fans.
the kinds that would faint.
the kinds that would send hate mail to any female star who is his potential girlfriend. be it rumours or whatever.
the kinds that would hate the female star if she so much as lays a finger on him.
the kinds who would commit suicide if yamapi found happiness. (other than herself. -slaps forehead-)
the kinds that would kill to have him for herself.

yeah.
and the thing is.
yamapi.
he cares loads for his fans.
and probably.
he's protecting his female friends too.
and possibly Maki-chan? =)
(iyaa~ i hope they become an item.)
i guess.
but by what he's doing.
isn't that point about him confirmed?

because he's afraid of the consequences if he were to fall in love.
get a girlfriend.
be happy.
not have a single care in the world.

imagine.
you.
hot guy.
good looks.
sex appeal.
popular.
successful.
screaming fan girls.

.
.
.
.
.
.

that.
would define the word 'IDOL'
you're practically a living God.
because there are actually people worshipping you.

but yeah.
i just felt really upset.
dunno lah.
i don't even know him personally.
GAH.
am i becoming hopeless?

i just feel that every person has a right for happiness.
even if it seems like it's impossible for the famous,
i still think they definitely have that right.

so i depise and hate and loathe fans who say.
"i wanna MARRY him someday!"
"Gosh i HATE THAT GIRL. who is SHE to MY YAMAPI/KAME/JIN? I HATE HER."

i think of the 2 i can't stand the latter more.
-shudders-
MY?
oh heavens.

i thought being a fan was supporting the star you like.
not a stalker fanclub.

well.
go figure.

okay.
back to me spending time alone.
it's okay...
because i know i have a few good friends to count on when i need them.
i'm not alone.

anyhow i'm out with Jacq tomorrow to do some shopping.
i need everything.
cash sponsors anyone?
hahaha.

i digress again.
ever had a wish where you were somewhere else?
like this.
"i wish i was born in..."
"i wish i was over there with..."
"i wish i could study in..."
"i wish i had the money to go..."
"i wish i could migrate to..."

i bet you have.
at least 80% of you.

most of you would wished a place where there were the 4 seasons too,
and the main reason being we, living right on the equator.
where it's so HOT LIKE SIAO all year round.

minus the monsoon seasons lah.

haha.
lately i've been thinking too.
how nice it would be if i was somewhere else.
i love Singapore and all.
for certain places.
and the most common things.
for example.

i really love the mrt.
i really like my house.
i really like our shopping malls.(i do hate the extravagant prices)
i like how our country's small.
at least we don't have to take domestic flights or drive hours to another state to meet a friend or relative.
mostly our public transport can gao tim. the most in 2 hours.
i really like our government.
i really respect Mr Lee Kuan Yew. knowing that he's Singaporean makes me feel proud to be one. all the great things he did.
i really like our food. (though the Japanese food here is horrible.)

so yeah.
but still.
i feel.
"ahh. how nice it would be if i was in Japan."
no surprise there huh.
and currently Jacq and I are working towards that.
Charmaine too ne. =)
we're all going in December!

but i wouldn't want to come back.
we're only going there for a mere week.

my cousin's so lucky.
i guess it pays to have brains like hers.
she's in Japan right now on attachment.
working.
living.
and she's wealthy.
Father's a Ph.D.
Mother holds a master degree.
Oldest brother a lawyer.
Lao er works for navy or something. and his name is Zippy.

haha.
so cute right?
i realise there's no link but i felt i had to say it.
so cute.
Zippy. =)

and basically my cousin doesn't need to worry about anything at all.
she simply just needs to focus on getting what she wants.
she told me once before.
"It really is how bad you want it to make you work for it."
so i guess wanting that life.
and achieving that much.

i guess she really wants it that bad.

and sometimes i really envy her.
being able to get what she wants.
being able to go where she desires.
and taking the path she wants.
well, not that i can't.

but i have to work twice.
or maybe three times harder than she does with my level.
of.
well.
intelligence.

and my family isn't that wealthy.
we are just well-off.
and it seems that in my family I AM the spendthrift one.
which is.
anything but good.

i don't want to become a good-for-nothing.
and i definitely want something more out of my life.
but my determination level scares me.
i can either be really passionate about something.
or completely oblivious.
which is worrying.

and not only me.
my parents have constantly reminded me my socks need pulling up.
reminding me that Os are this year.
and that i'm worrying everyone around me.

my heart broke then.
because i know.
i felt bad.
and even though i said and felt that i knew what i was doing.
deep inside i had many unanswered questions, doubts and insecurities.

sometimes i feel i'm so cruel.
i keep taking my rents' for granted.
they've probably given me everything i want.
probably?
they HAVE.

here.
i'll just list it out.
i'm not bragging.
i have my own room.
completely furnished.
i have my own tv.
complete with a dvd player and a playstation.
i have my own computer.
handphone.
bills paid by them.
new clothes every 2 weeks?
Japanese lessons fully sponsored.
Japan trip too.
most likely.

and many more.
but ask me how much it all amounts to.
i think it has hit hundred thousand.
i really want to start repaying them.
but all i've done is showing them foul attitude.
and shrug off all their warnings and advice with
"i have so many worries."
and stubbornly expect them to understand how i feel.
when really.
it should be the other way round.

MK!
be more sensible no yo~
they're not going to be your bed of roses forever.
sooner or later you'll realise you'll be lying on nothing but a bed of thorns.

but i really do have a lot of concerns.
like studies.
like grad night.
like..
well.
just personal stuff.
and sometimes their naggings can get quite intense.
because all i want is a sanctuary to come back to everyday.
where i can just discard all my worries and everything...
even if it's just for a while.

and so i wish i was over in Japan.
living a different life.
still me.
pretty much being the same person.
but a different life.

because it's so tiring here sometimes.

but well.
don't we all have days where we feel blue?
and don't we all have dreams?
we all have a right to pursue them too.

i guess.
it's those things that we loathe.
and those dreams.
the image of getting there.
the destination.
that ignites a certain drive inside.

that makes us work for what we want. =)
right now,
that passion i feel is deep.
and it's burning.
it feels good.

and i hope it'll remain this way.
of course.
only time will tell.

waiting for a climax.
mk.

lalalala

2006-06-03T10:57:00.000+08:00

don't worry,
i shall spare all of you the agony today.
no Kurosagi or Yamapi. =)

so yeah.
ever wondered about the most random things when you're on the bus?
you just think about a lot of things.
hahaha.
so yesterday, i was thinking how everyone is going to be like in 10 years.
so will be celebrities.
some will be businessmen.
some career women.
some married and flown off to somewhere for honeymoon.
some, maybe, will take an unexpected turn down their roads.

i wonder how will i be like.
because no matter what i want to the the road i created myself.
i want to walk the path i desire.
and at the end of the day,
i want to live my life fulfilled.
no regrets. =)

gah.
even thinking about all that makes me scared, yet so full of anticipation.
so much can happen within this period.

so yeah.
hahahahaha.

i guess i'll have to wait and see.

i digress.
I'M REALLY EXCITED.

mumsy is going to bring me to go shopping later.
ahahhahahahaha.
i need a new wardrobe.

ato ichi nichi.
mk.

俺幸せなんていらねえんだよ。
もう。なにもいらない。
友情も。愛情も。

daite senorita~

2006-06-01T10:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday was the release of yamapi's new single

.
.
.

in Japan.

so what to do?
ordered my copy via HMV,
i have to wait a month before it arrives.
AND.
i can only get the normal edition, because the staff-san there said that the Limited Edition comes with a dvd. and they have to go to the trouble to send everything to the cencorship board. so well, it's okay lah. =)
anyways i have my hands on the dvd already.
hehehe.

yayayayayayay!
today's thrursday, which makes TOMORROW FRIDAY.
and you know what FRIDAY means.
RIGHT?

hahahahaha.
i can hear groans and grumbles.
heeee.

it is KUROSAGI day!
i can't i can't wait to see what kurosaki does, or tsurara for that matter because i really was disappointed.
what he did.

because boys.
you wouldn't cry in front of just ANY girl THREE TIMES.
if you didn't like the person or if you cared or were touched.
right?

scenario #1:
the girl nips it in the bud and reminds you of your painful past.

scenario #2:
the girl asks you if you can be happy living the life of a swindler. well, that and the fact she asked you about what happened 6 years back when your father murdered your entire family.

the ULTIMATE SCENARIO:
the girl finds the person who was responsible for the murder of your family, and begs him to stop making you feel miserable.

so if Kurosaki weren't touched.
he wouldn't walk in there and like.
help tsurara...

but the fact he set her against the counter and i thought he was going to hug her.
he placed the money on the counter, said, "the informatuon fee for this time round."
AND WALKED AWAY.

MOU.
HAKIRISHINASAI YO.

you betcha he's confused.
gah.
ONE MORE DAY.
THE PAIN.THE AGONY.

the plots and relations between the different characters just make it more interesting.
i hope ratings go up this week.
ep 07 had a not so impressive 12.3%.

oh wells.
i realise all i have been blabbering nowadays are JAPAN.JAPAN.JAPAN.

there's really nothing i can do about it. =)
mk.

yubiwa.

2006-05-30T13:31:00.000+08:00

okay.
IYO IYO DESU!
it's tomorrow.
i just hope HMV doesn't run out too fast.
i need to get the Limited Edition.
well.
if they don't, i'll have to make do with the Normal Ed, which is pretty much fine too. =)
hmm.
i already have the dvd.
so the only things i'm missing out is the photo album, and some other stuff. i heard there's a sticker book in there. =(

anyways.
besides that.

KUROSAGI 07

oh my GOD.
i totally saw it coming.
more hate for the stupid third party.
is that all she ever plays?
Hikari. third party.
Yukari. third party.
SEE THE SIMILARITY?
i wonder if she's like that in real life. GAH.

i can't think of a better way to portray how i feel about Yukari, but i quote from Helen:

DEAR GOD someone get Yukari out of my sight. This girl's outlook on love is immature beyond comprehension. Liking or loving someone doesn't need validation, rationalization, or justification. To claim that one person has more right to like or love someone than another - I don't understand this logic.

Perhaps you're more understanding and accepting of his criminal activities - so what? Is that indulgence going to save him from the abyss he's been in for the past 6 years? He's a person stuck in the past without a future. Tsurara's sense of justice and stance by her beliefs might offer him one. Where will your concurrence and approval lead him? PRISON?

Loving someone means blind acceptance? If he wasn't just a swindler but a killer, are you going to say "I like him, therefore I support everything he does."...? Grow up and smell reality before you give someone a lecture on love. And while you're at it, lose the schoolgirl fantasy 'cause it's not what he needs.

Kurosaki is scared. Afraid Tsurara is going to change his mind, afraid her interest is only temporary, afraid it might turn out to be "cheap sympathy" after all. If your heart wasn't touched, why would you chase her away?

I SECOND EVERYTHING SHE SAYS.

i really don't get it.
in ep07.
Yukari told Tsurara not to like Kurosaki using her rational theories (probably all her principles of law.)
and that gives her more right to like Kurosaki because she just supports him blindly?
she's a UNIVERSITY STUDENT.
and she acts like some typical HIGHSCHOOL SHOUJOU.

and i really dislike such girls,
who would just throw a friendship in jeopardy because of ONE GUY.
if Yukari were to ask Tsurara to give Kurosaki up,
i am quite sure she would.
no matter how unwilling or painful she feels inside.

that just shows how shallow these people are.
a spoilt brat.
GAH i just hate her.

now that i'm on this,
i hated Kurosaki in this episode too.
i thought.
I THOUGHT.
that when they showed the shots before the show started.
that he finally, well. realised. understood.
HE LET ME DOWN.
but i guess 6 years of a very dark and painful past isn't that easy to breakthrough.
then again if he didn't care.
he wouldn't walk in.
he wouldn't help her up.
he wouldn't tease her.
he wouldn't talk back.
he wouldn't try to distance himself.
right?
right?

it seems that Tsurara is really falling for him.
hard.
PLEASE.
PLEASE LET ep08 come faster!
FRIDAY FRIDAY.

***************************************************************************

okay.
i will be continuing Jap!

and.
away from that.
i bet all of you are snoring already.

Chinese Os were yesterday.
it felt so surreal.
like it didn't actually happen.
i felt like i was floating through the whole way.
and...

I THINK I SCREWED IT.

please.
A2.
and let me off.
A2.
just.
A2.
and i'll be happy.
A2.
that's all i ask for.
A2.
PLEASE.

URGH.
many many things.
so little time.
mk.

ato suree deeis~

2006-05-28T20:06:00.000+08:00

well.
today's the end of my Jap JLPT 3.
tomorrow's the start of Os.

can i say...
TIME FLIES?
that was an understatement.
because time passes SO FAST, like literally.
and here i am just skipping along to every other day as it arrives.
i must not be so complacent.
GAH.

but yeah.
i wonder why.
i don't feel the jitters.
maybe because it's Chinese.
and it's the wrong thinking to adopt, because well, at the end it will play a part in your aggregate and where you're gonna go to after.
so yeah.
once again.

I MUST NOT BE COMPLACENT.

GAAAAAH~

okay.
3 more days to Daite Senorita.

i just hope i beat the other screaming fangirls to him first.
i must rescue Yamapi from all the craze and frenzy and mosh pit and mob and whatnot!

.
.
.
.
.

yeah.
when i'm one of em.

oh by the ways.
back to time flying.
can you believe guys?
i'm done with my Jap JLPT 3.
moving on to LEVEL 2!

so okay.
to some of you.
okay.
maybe ALL of you.
it doesn't mean a thing and you might just think that i'm just bragging and boasting.
but to maybe one or two out there who really understands.

THIS MEANS A LOT TO ME.
because i'm moving on to advanced, and the course will be a full-fledged 2 years.
so what's the point i'm putting across you may ask?

the point is.
i've never been so passionate about something before.
or i should say.
it's very hard for me to stay passionate about something.
besides my bittersweet memories in council.
i'll probably never ever forget that i was ever a councilor for that school even when i leave,
and it probably will be a part of me for the rest of my life.

so yeah.
to my close friends.
i've spent...
(pauses to look at my fingers to count...)
3 years or more and counting on the language!

and i shall soon be fluent. =)
anyways.
the only problem is Os are in my way.
and 2 years is a pretty long time.
i really want to continue.
but Ms Chung, the receptionist/secretary of my school says i should stop to focus.
there's like a fierce debate up in my head.
listing all the pros and cons of going or not.
but 80% says i should go for it.

well i don't know.
GAH.

tags are most welcome.
let's see what you have to say.

i will blog more later!
right now i have to FINALLY watch Kurosagi 07,
and ogle at yamapi.
and bite my fingernails to see if there's a further step between kurosaki and tsurara.
and more of kurosaki's past.
and more hate for Yukari.
the stupid third party.
which is all,
waiting for me.

so yeah.
reviews will be up later.
plus my decision.

mata ne~
mk.

nothing.

2006-05-22T22:19:00.000+08:00

i guess everyone is feeling not so good.

sometimes i admire Yamapi for being forever cheery.
but maybe sometimes it's a facade he puts up because he doesn't want his fans to worry,
but that's besides the point.

and here:

I FEEL LOUSY.

about lots of things i guess.
how my mum and dad are falling ill.
despite that i'm just being an annoyed brat when they talk to me.
i find it a chore to reply them.
and i hate myself for that.
because it's not that i don't care.
but i have a lot on my mind.
and when i actually tell them that.
they retort and say that they are tired and drained too.
so what do i do?
i guess lucky for them my brother's being the angel and all.

or how about the people around me?
who i am.
what i'm doing.
i can tell you.
and i can say that i feel lost.
i don't know who's there for me.
and i don't know what i can fall on.
right now if you ask me to depict my life into a painting,
i would draw a stick house.
just four pillars and no roof.
fragile.
unprotected.
neglected.
cold.
lonely.
and everything else.

ask me what i look forward to.
and i'll tell you there's nothing worth right now.

ask me if i hope for a better tomorrow.
i'll say yes, but i'll doubt it'll come.

but i guess life's just like that.
like what?
life's like WHAT exactly?
people continue to say that it's like that.
and they will probably just ask you to shrug off the unhappiness you're feeling.
because it's not their problem.
and they want to rid of any trouble or worries they might have in the day.
and YOU.
are not helping them, at all.
so you asking them for help probably isn't the answer you'd be satisfied with.

and i guess the circle repeats itself.
because people do the same to them.

because humans are creatures that are selfish.
mostly they wish for things that benefit them.
and the rest can take a hike.
they want the best and they want to feel good;
heck.who likes to feel bad?

but i certainly didn't ask for this.
wish for this.
desire for this.
or pray for all of this to happen in my life.

and i really don't know what's going to come out of it all.
i don't know how things are going to end up.
i don't know how they're going to happen.
because nowadays i listen a lot to myself, since the thoughts in my head have gotten louder.
and it has started to have a lot more of its own opinions than before.
and because recently i wish and pray that someone might just come and take me away.
and because i've started to think how nice it would be to leave all of this behind.

should i discuss with my parents?
transfer out of school.
work?
earn money then leave.
take money?lend money?borrow?
go somewhere else.
not anywhere in this place.
start to realise my dream.

but everytime.
the further i think.
something gets in the way and kills it.
and it kills me too, inside.

and when it kills.
that leap of faith i'm ready to take off with.
that same courage to take it.
is fading.
and it's getting weaker.

but i've never wished more.
that i was somewhere else.
where i could start afresh.
anew.
away from the STUPID politics.
away from the STUPID drama.
away from my responsibilities.
away from my commitments.
and the childish HOO-HA about everything.

and maybe i'm the one that's being unrreasonable and sensitive about everything.
but i know.
that if there was a chance.
i wouldn't hesitate.
who wants to be surrounded by the hypocrisy of it all?
the promises that were valueless.
a mere coating that wears off.
invalid.void.vacant.empty.

and maybe.
only through the eyes of those who were there before.
will know what i'm talking about.

and from now.
i shall stop praying.
because unless they go through it themselves.

they.
will never get it.

***************************************************************************

9 more days.

honto ni.
ima no watashi wa.
saiiyaku nan da yo.
hayaku nihon e ikitai no.
kore maji saiiyaku.

****************************************************************************

Kurosagi ep06

six really is my lucky number.
hail me superstitious if you like.
but that episode rocked.

it was bittersweet.
it brought pain to my heart.
and it wrenched it a little.

i wish Tsurara breaks that ice.
that barrier.
that wall.
the cold from kurosaki.
and just finally reach out already.

oh god.
i still loved the fact she went into his apartment.
INTO.
the fact that she got a glimpse of what kind of life kurosaki was going through.
the sink full of cup ramen.
the table piled with the many different mobile phones.
the books he uses for research and reference.
that photo too.
the one he always looks at and has that painful expression portrayed on his face,
and mostly.
the fact that she TOOK CARE of him.

i liked it when she saw what that police guy was doing to him.
and she rushed forth to stop him.
and sort of protected kurosaki.

GAH.
it's so obvious he likes her.
but i guess he's just like that.
the kind that's just waiting to be loved and when love finds him he runs away from it.

it'd take forever if i were to describe in explicit detail;
all the beautiful moments and development.

download and watch if you want to.
i'm keeping the rest to myself.

that's all.
mk.

none.

2006-05-21T18:30:00.000+08:00

TEN MORE DAYS.

excerpt from Yamapi's blog: (credits to blueverry)
Everyone is my Senorita! I am everyone's Senorita! (Laugh)

how can you NOT love him? -faints-

it has been mediocre.
and in my head i'm thinking.
this is good.
mediocre means that there's no news.
nothing special.
an awkward tranquil.
but that usually means something will take you by the next turn.

then i wish chances and opportunities would engulf me;
because they are hard to come by.
mk.

zero.

2006-05-18T20:07:00.000+08:00

how come i feel...
things have changed?

no matter how hard you try to amend it.
or how hard you wish things were back to the same way they were.
reverse it.
or improve it,
it just gets you down.
and after putting up a fight that's futile,
you finally give in.
and leave it to be.

the only thing that's constant in this world...
is change.

and there's pretty much nothing we can do about it,
but resent to fate.
because aren't we all puppets?

no matter what we choose to believe in.
or that centre.or ground.or standing.
that's stable in our lives.

it's always when you've felt you've found that one special place, person or thing.
that's the most precious to you.
and suddenly.
a turn you take.
and then...
it's like you feel that the same one thing that brought you power, gave you strength. and made you stand on your feet...
couldn't brave the obstacles.
the storms.
the trials.
and change.

and then it hits you in the face.
swift.hard.and painful.

and then things just force you to look at life in a different manner.
feel it different.
cope and handle it different.

and it brings a pain in your heart.
an emptiness that you feel.
vacant.lonely.
even if you long for the way it used to be.
you know there's no turning back.
because things aren't as simple as you deem it to be.

and the people that so called said that there's a bond that can never be broken.
are pretty much obscured by illusions and fake visions.
because they will never realise.
that there will always be imperfections.
no matter how exquisite or beautiful.

that the "bond".
already has cracks.

but still.
they choose to be oblivious.

you.
as a person.
came into this world.
alone.
and when you are living that life.
that life belongs to you.
and only you.
and when you leave.
the soul is only.but yours.

but if there was one thing in this world.
we could find.
that one thing we would kill to protect.
perish by it.
and fight for it.
and hang on for dear life.
that one thing where happiness exists.
where even the impossible becomes reality.
and words aren't just.
an expression.
but a promise.
to be fulfilled.
not void.
not empty.

then maybe.
change would be an easier phase.
no matter how sudden, or unpredictable.

have you found yours?

************************************************************

13 more days.
yamapi.

i'll find it.
mk.

black hero.

UUUWAAHH

2006-05-16T07:42:00.000+08:00

EPISODE 5 ROCKED.
and so will episode 6.

wahahahahahaha.

bu kui shi wo de lucky number.
wahahahahahahaha.

lalalalalalala~

to bad no one around here watches the thing.
i have to blog to rant how i feel,
which is pretty much pathetic, if you ask me. =(

but.
WHEEEEEEE~

Yamapi was sooooooooooooo...
hehe.
oh and maki-chan.

i shall go fantasise now,
excuse me.
mk.

JIN~

2006-05-14T18:56:00.001+08:00

OH MY GOD.

look at this.

Johnny & Associates
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Johnny's Entertainment)

Johnny & Associates, known in Japanese as Johnny's Jimusho, formed by Johnny Kitagawa in 1963, is an organization that trains and promotes groups of male idols in Japan. Famous groups include SMAP,TOKIO, Kinki Kids, Arashi, V6, NewS, Tackey & Tsubasa, KAT-TUN, Kanjani8 and others.
Members of the groups frequently appear in a number of Johnny's magazines, including Myojo, Potato and Wink-up.

SEXUAL HARASSMENT CLAIMS
It has frequently been rumoured from the 1970s that Johnny Kitagawa has sexually harassed members of his boy bands. For example, from 1988 to 1989, the Japanese magazine Uwasa no Shinsō, literally "The truth of the rumour", published a series of articles on this topic. Also in 1988, Koji Kita, a former member of one of Johnny's boy bands, Four Leaves, published a series of diaries called Hikaru Genji e, literally "Dear Hikaru Genji", containing similar claims.
More recently, in 1999, the magazine Shūkan Bunshun printed similar articles accusing Johnny Kitagawa of various forms of sexual harassment, child abuse, and irresponsible behaviour such as allowing underage smoking. In 2002 Johnny Kitagawa sued for defamation of character, which resulted in a lengthy court case. After a series of trials, the court admitted the claim of sexual harassment but ordered the magazine to pay 1,200,000 yen compensation for other unproved claims.

MY GOD.
YAMAPI.

BUT I MUST SAVE HIM!

sigh.
akame too.

goodness.
what is the world coming to?
i mean i know those stuff happened in the past but still.

no wonder Helen and the other fans were that uptight about the company.
and cited negative stuff.
called the boss 'THAT' old Johnny.
now i totally get it.

he had better not lay one finger on Yamapi(HE SO BELONGS TO MAKI).
or Jin.
OR Kame.
OR Junno.

if not.
he goes.

KAPOWII.

literally.

oh by the way.
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAY TO YOU BROTHER.
i can't believe your age starts with a 2 now.

so old.

OH OH.
i digress.

you know what?
i have something to be ecstatic about.
nono, other than Yamapi and Kurosagi.

THE DA VINCI CODE.
is RATED...
*drum rolls*

NC-16.

WHOOOOOPEEEE~

HOW COOL IS THAT?
I
HAVE
SO
TURNED SIXTEEN.

looks down on all you puny juniors.
which means you kids can't watch, sze ern, rachie, felica, julianne.
now scuttle away!

go lock yerselves in your room and CRY.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

okay.
i'm not that mean.
i can totally take you and sneak you in if you guys wanna watch.
i'll try. =)
because i'm a cool senior. right?
-shoots you all looks-
i better be so.

*snobs*

anyways.

86.3%.
COME ON.
why so slow?

GAH.

fangirls are already screaming.
so loud, i can hear them from my monitor,
even if they live like.
halfway round the world.

-cricket sounds-

yeah.
cold.

they are already raving about how this episode's the BEST one they've seen so far!
if i'm lucky, there might be a hug in there somewhere.
screencaps are even out!
but i'm not going to spoil it for myself.
AAAAAAAAAAH~
hurry up BitComet.

okay.
let's talk about something else then.
to kill time.

um.

......
......
......

okay.
i got nothing.
mk.

KUROSAGI.

2006-05-14T13:28:00.000+08:00

WOOOHOOOO~

one more day down.

which means.

SEVENTEEN MORE DAYS!!!!
lalalalalalalalala~

daite daite daite SENORITA~
tsuyoku tsuyoku tsuyoku HANASANAIDE~

SO HAPPY.
BECAUSE.
NOT ONLY THAT,
very soon KUROSAGI EP05 WILL BE DONE.
and i CAN TOTALLY WATCH IT!

who cares if there's exams tomorrow?
okay i care but...
WHEEEEE~

i'm so happy because oh my god YAMAPI.
he's about to save MAKI.

and more development between KUROSAKI and TSURARA.
WHEE.
WHEE.

and HAHAHAHAHA.
i must sound like i'm on ECSTASY NOW.
and crazy~

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY~

*ahem*
-composes myself-

yeah.
sorry.
i had to rant that out.
so yeah.
i'll end here.

WHOOOOOOPEEEE.
mk.

-edit-
i almost forgot.due to my insanity.so here:
HAPPY ABU'S DAY TO ALL MOTHERS OUT THERE!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE SPECIAL TO SOMEONE OUT THERE.
AND THERE REALLY IS NO ONE MORE NOBLE THAN A MOTHER.
SO ROCK ON ALL YOU MUMMIES!
=)

daite senorita~

2006-05-12T22:22:00.000+08:00

konyanyachiwa.

how is everyone today?

from today i shall start my countdown towards the release of Yamapi's first solo single - "Daite Senorita" desu yo.
wahahahaha.
i feel so proud of him.
but i will feel even more proud if he were to hook up with Maki-chan.
or at least give a decent romance scene in Kurosagi.

in any case.
i'll still support him.

eeto. the release is on 31st May.
today's the 12th...
so that makes it...

19 MORE DAYS NO YO~

so exciting.
oh by the way.
today's entry will be everything Yamapi no yo.
so if you don't like him or Japan, navigate away.
you have been warned.

so anyways.
i've joined these 2 forums.
one from asiafanatics and the other Love Song,
and i was happy at first.
cause everyone was yasashii and it was nice to see so many support that idol you like.
drool together.
ogle together.
but then it just got crazy and dare i say.
PRESSURISING.
like.
RIGHT?
it's a freaking forum.
and it's all about Yamapi.
it should be about fun fun fun~

like.
LS forums.
i had to post 60 times before i was allowed access to the download station.
and if i don't remain active and post more, they will filter my registration away.
don't get me wrong.
it's a great site.
and you find anything and everything there.
not only Yamapi.
KAT-TUN toka. TxT toka. maa. iro iro ne. (loads more where that came from.)

but i mean.
if you have nothing to post.
then how?

you can take a leave form the forum,
and they'll let you have your old position back,
but i mean. that's only temporary.

aiyah.
dunno lah.
it might seem very pointless.
but i'm putting across this: having that kind of system just deprives some fans of the stuff that they can access to. you know?
ESPECIALLY since we're talking about YAMAPI.
oh my GOD.

ever since he got buff.
he just.
i went.
yeah. you catch my drift.

and ANOTHER RIDICULOUS thing.
this fan girl.

she actually hated the heroin.
Horikita Maki when Yamapi complimented her saying that she would make a good wife.

-SLAPS FOREHEAD-

honestly.
i cannot stand fans as such.
i mean.
they sit there fantasising and get pointless heartbreaks.
and FORBID any breed of femme fatale to get close.

oh and here's another.
FANS MOLESTING HIM.
good Lord.

isn't that overboard?
i mean.

sigh.

speechless.
that's what i am.

and since i'm on a roll.
i shall include that fans spammed and slammed a rumoured gf of his when paparazzi and media caught hold of a neoprint of them two snogging.(uh huh) which suspiciously looks like themselves. but it wasn't.
oh wells.
they just happen to go to the same U and are friends.

FANS.
are really scary.

please lah.
you idolise and adore the person also no need to be like that what right?

if i were Yamapi i'd feel really stressed.
and seriously.
in his situation.
being the ultimate fantasy of the MANY girls out there.(oh quit looking my way.)
i don't think he can get married or get into a relationship until he loses his sex appeal.
which is very hard.
since he's so good looking.

look at Kimura Takuya.
and look at Jacqueline ogle at him even when he's old enough to be her dad. -_-"

and i guess the girl has to be someone the fans approve of first.
*cough NOBUTA cough*
if not there's no other way.

and i'll tell the girl she won't know what she's getting herself into.
though i mean.
WHO CAN RESIST YAMAPI?

KYAAA~

oh yeah.
did you all know almost 80% of the population in Japan smokes?
even Charmaine said that when she went there for hols.
once she stepped out of the mall all she could inhale was... smoke.
it's so stressful there.

but here.
i know that Matsujun smokes.
i got the shock of my life when i learnt that HANAZAWA RUI. the perfect. white. pure. CLEANEST PRINCE CHARMING.
smokes of screen.
just there.
puffing away.

i died again.

oh my god.

and.and. in Kurosagi 04...
-gulps- *eyes turn watery*
Yamapi TOOK A PUFF ON-SCREEN!
some say that he held the cigaratte funny and all.
and he's just doing it for the show.
but i mean.
i was still shocked.
Helen stated on her blog that Yamapi smoked when he was in high school, but doesn't know if he still does it.

koukoo-sei no toki desu ne.
nanka. SHOKU deshita.

he was that sunshine.healthy healthy pink image.
that i saw of him.you know?

and since i am SO ROOTING for YAMAKI.
(Yamapi + Maki = Yamaki~)

i mean.
it might be different for girls over there in Japan.
they may think it's no big deal that their guys smoke.
but i daresay that girls here dislike it when your guys/bfs smoke.
right?
so i don't know.

but COME ON.
MAKI?
She = angelic.pure.innocent.cute.demure.gentle.

YAMAPI has to be her prince and knight and...swindler?
WAHAHAHAHA.
SAGISHI.

heh.
but yeah.
Yamapi comes across as that yang guang xing de nan hai.
he has FLAWLESS SKIN.
a good-looker.
has funny bones in him.
mature inside.
but acts like a total 3 year old and has a fetish for ketchup.
-faints-

guys love to hate him.
girls want to have him.

what i'm trying to say is, he has to fit that image.
you know?
so that they're both compatible.
so that Maki will fall in love with him and tralalalala~
i shall be one happy girl because i like seeing them together.
so cute. =)

and then i can see the other fangirls have their hearts broken.
cry.
and be drowned in misery.
and then they'll have to realise that they CAN'T HAVE HIM.
and she's a freaking Canadian.
so unless.
she learns Japanese.
flies to Japan.
and happens to be EXTREMELY lucky.
enters showbiz there.

YEAH.
she should just wake up already.
goodness.

oh.
big digression huh?

i wish i knew more about Yamapi's company though.
and his OBNOXIOUS boss.
i mean.
really eccentric.

here's why:
his artistes.
includes.
KAT-TUN.NEWS.TxT.KINKI KIDS.ARASHI.
and basically really tua pai bands.

CANNOT.
be in a relationship.(eh? abit like vb in our school.)
but i mean. Kimura Takuya-san married.
so maybe it refers to those younger generation ones.
which yes.Yamapi is one of em.

they AREN't allowed to sign autographs.
and more.

like. KUSANO.
and UCHI.
i don't know whether it's the company's policy or Japan's law,
but if you're underage and you're caught drinking.

get this: ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE.

the members of your band suffer too.
the drama you've been filiming on.
you role gets replaced.

the album you've recorded with your band.
will be re-recorded without you.

publicity stuff with your face in it will be removed.
an basically you'll be suspended from the band.
it's really a serious issue.

but come on.
that old head. Johnny.
i heard many things that are pretty much negative about him.
but i'm not very sure.

all i know is, in my opinion.
he's a tad bit obnoxious.
VERY STRICT.
and SUPER PROTECTIVE of his JE boys.

and because of Kusano and Uchi,
well it might not be because of them i'm not too sure.
but they're done with their activities as NEWS(the band) for 2006. and will be on hiatus till next year.
they have finished their SPRING TOUR CONCERT 2006 i think.
and god.
i wish i was there.

but it's okay.
like Yamapi(did i tell you he's the leader? =)) said.
"we'll come back stronger than before"

GANBATTE NE YAMAPI.

PHEW.
i think i've said WAY TOO much.
hahahhaha.

GAH.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR KUROSAGI ep05~
that Katsuragi has designs on Tsurara-chan!
KUROSAKI-SAN.
save her!~
oh my gosh.
Yamapi's expression for the last bit before ep04 ended.

timeless.

yay.
i sense MORE development between Kurosaki and Tsurara in episode 5!
blogging is a ruddy good way to kill time.
i wonder if the raw is up yet?

ja.
oyasumi~
mk.

ps: by the time i finished blogging it is past midnight.
which means.

EIGHTEEN MORE DAYS TO DAITE SENORITA~
18!18!

hello again~

2006-05-12T00:48:00.000+08:00

okay. post no.3.
haha.
it's getting old.

anyways.

i take the whole emo thing back.
i mean yeah i felt lousy.

but OMG.
a MOTORAZR V3x?
that HAS to count for something.
i was mad cause i felt forgotten.
i was mad because despite it being my BIG day. it felt like nothing.
i was mad cause i/it didn't feel special. i mean. sweet 16 right? where's the sweet?
i was mad because my phone wasn't working and i kept trying to put the battery and SIM card in and out, but it just wouldn't work.
so i told my dad and he was all okay, i'll repair it but it might take some time.
i was all sulky because the day couldn't get any worse, and well.
i just won't elaborate.
i mean.
i wanted to read my messages and all.
and then my bro went out and nobody was at home and everything.
and it was dark.
i just thought.
"nobody spends a birthday like that."

and blah dee blah. being a total girl and baby.
BUT.
my dad came back saying he found out what was wrong with my phone,
so he said he'll help me later.
minutes after he walks out.
and whips out a SHINY NEW PINK V3x.

i died.

oh mann.
hahahahahahaha.

oh get this.
my brother got an ipod.
the latest model i think.
it was shiny and black.
a little bit "oh mann that's cool"
but WHEE~
i ain't complaining.

my rents' spent almost $1000 on our gifts.
using their salary bonus.

tian xia...
um... something something fu mu xing.
let me know? i'll update.

but yeah.

KANDO SHIMASHITA. (i was touched.)
really really touched.

and yeah.
when i held the phone i just adored it.
oh mann.
so pretty~
hahaha.
and then all the messages came flooding in.

just then.
i felt..
really.really.happy.

looks like they all remembered after all. =)
anyways.

i'm not bragging lah but.
I LOVE MY PHONE.
now, i have YAMAPI staring at me. ANYTIME i want. wahahahha.
you won't imagine the number of scans.
and wallpapers.
and pictures.
i'm actually beginning to scare myself with all the amount that's accumulating.
haha.

hee~
PINK.

RONALD.
you BLUE.
i PINK.

=)

so.
thanks.
to my lovely juniors who so cheekily bought me a monkey.literally. -_-"
i love it though and everyone says it's really nice to touch. -shrugs-
really cute.
so thanks.
and BIG TIGHT HUGS to you sze ern and felicia and rachie(yay! new nickname for you.only i can use that kay.wahahaha.) darlings, checking to see if i was okay. ^_^ you're really ALL that a senior can ask for~
RABU.

thanks to Kai Chin, Sarah and Yun Zhen for your perfume and earrings.

thanks to Lek Ning.Bren.and Eunice!
for the sweet necklace.

oh btw Lek Ning: special credit to you. LOVE YA. MUAH. (you know what i mean.) thanks from the bottom of my heart.

and Bundit and Jacq.
i won't know what i'll do without you peeps.

and just EVERYONE.
who wished me, sent lovely messages and wrote testimonials.
Mary, Jess, Sherlyn,Ben Tan,Ronald... just to name a few. =)

THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYONE.
ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA.~

i repent.
it was a refreshing birthday.
-winks-
mk.

birthdays.

2006-05-11T15:16:00.001+08:00

JUST WAIT ONE SECOND.

i thought BIRTHDAYS were supposed to be the greatest?
i don't want to be petty and prissy and kick a big deal of of it all.
BUT WHAT IS THIS?

i don't expect presents from everyone.
but i don't feel special either.
i had jitters PRACTICALLY rushing down my spines.
not knowing what to expect and all.

but i woke up with such great anticipation today.
and little by little.
the feeling.
that happy feeling.
just faded away, and now i'm thinking.
"it sure feels awfully dreadful to be forgotten."

Oh God.
i'm being such a baby.

well.

皆さん。
今日わ私の誕生日です。
１６歳なりました。
ちょっとしんじらなけど。
まあ～
これからも頑張ります！

フイトオ。。。
オン！

ーコンー

野ブタパワ。。。注入！

マンーキットでした。

happy birthday, mk.

2006-05-11T15:16:00.000+08:00

Happy Sweet 16, mk.

doesn't feel much like a birthday at all honestly.

i don't feel remembered.
sweet 16.
pffffft.
mk.

GAH.
let's just keep happy feelings.

tsubasa oreta no tenshitachi

2006-04-26T16:32:00.000+08:00

doumo.

haha. today was elections.
many feelings and memories were playing and making a huge racket inside me.

and i just stood there feeling.
wow.
i'm about to step down as a councilor.
i'm about to finish my 4 years in secondary school.
and i just felt.
we've grown so much.

it was really heartwarming!

seeing the new members being elected.
and i've come to realise many things too.
so i guess.
i wouldn't want it any other way.

having come a long way.
seeing the nominees give their speech, i related to them.
how they felt, how worried they were.
the anxiety when you stood there giving your speech.
wondering in silence whether they liked you, your speech or how you carried yourself.
and praying that you will win, and get voted for the position you were put up for.

and i just sat there thinking as i looked at them.
it wasn't about being that position.
it was about proving to yourself, more than anything in the world.
that you truly wanted to make the council a better place.
and if you didn't get the position, who ever said you couldn't implement those changes you wanted to happen, when you wrote it in your script?
you wouldn't stop being a leader because you lost to someone else,
because you didn't have a rank.

because like Jos said, being nominated is an honour, and by that you've proven that you're capable of bringing the council to greater heights.
so who said you wouldn't be able to achieve your dreams if the people didn't vote for you?

i sat there thinking all these things,
and i felt like a complete idiot,
all this dawning on me only now.

because i felt like.
having a position and holding that position,
it made you feel good.
it made you aware that you have the authority to make changes and see the things you want happen,
more than that, everything was secure.
because you had support.

but no, things aren't that way.

it's not the end,
because there's a power. a strength and a will in everyone.
and allowing it to be extinguished by setbacks,
will only put out that fire,
and bury the potential that burns within you.

so i've learnt it the hard way.

and i really am a moron for only seeing the light now,
even when i was over the issue,
i hadn't exactly put it down yet.
and i brood over it.

oh God.
i can't believe i was that selfish.
because there were opportunites for me.
and now, Grad Night, but i didn't comprehend.
not till now.

i am a leader.
and probably always will be. =)
mk.

only human.

2006-04-25T16:25:00.000+08:00

hello minna.

i was reading Yamashita-san's diary.

honto ni baka pi-chan. but he's so cute.
i like this certain entre of his:

1/14 5:05pm

Konbachiwa (o^o^o)
Ah~ today I'm eating rice with this kimchee!
By the way, the kimchee is made by Jin Mama!
It rained today!
Even though I dislike the rain, lately I've been trying to be positive and search for the good points to raining! First is wearing a raincoat!
You never wear it! (Laugh)
Next is wearing boots! (Laugh)
You don't wear this either! (Laugh)
Thus speaking, the rain is wonderful! (Laugh)
Because the rain nourished the fields and we can eat delicious rice!
The same goes for water!
If there were no rain nothing will survive.
It's surprisingly easy to like the things that you didn’t like before!
I've seen many things lately!
Before I really can't stand raining, but after finding out its good points I don't hate it anymore!
I think people are like this.
I'm the type of stubborn person who will never mention people I dislike.
I cannot flatter him or joke around with him.
But after learning his good points, I won't dislike him as much!
But immediately liking the person is still hard to do.
If there were no one that I dislike, everyday must be very happy!
A dirty heart will perhaps pollute the entire person.
If everyone searched for each other’s strengths, the world will become very peaceful!
Wars of course won't start!
What can be gained by initiating a war? Nothing! (Laugh)
Okay~ I will plant my thinking, no, my buddies' thinking, in this world!
Yeah! Starting tomorrow you guys start looking for the good points of people you dislike!

*********************************************************************************
make good sense, no?

ahhh. i love it that he and Jin are so close.heee.
hmm. kimchee.

credits to blueverry.blog for the excerpt above.

seeing Yamapi so genki i must be genki too!

FIGHTO...ON~

ja.
mk.

what's left of me.

2006-04-22T20:23:00.000+08:00

i'm sorry.

i really am, for the person that i am, and i wish i was better.
i wish i made more use of it.
i wish it was more full, and mended, instead of leading one with holes, because it'll only result in frustration and pain when you try and fill it up.

but maybe everyone has their dark moments. but believing that there will be a way out, and believing that you can find yourself a way to light.
and that means to appreciate the music, even when you know that every song ends.
that there really is more than having what you have, and growing complacent with your ideals, the people around you and the things you posess, because life is a journey, and you have to learn to go the distance, even if it means you'll be learning it the hard way.

how self-absorbed am i?
only till today i realised.
i wish for all these things...
to my own benefit.

i am such. a SWINDLER.

but maybe i can work on that, little by little, and then i'll get there. i'll finally find some answers.
instead of just asking questions all the time.

and i pray.
that someday they will too. know what it feels like and finally realise too.

**************************************************************************

okay, mid-years starts officially in a week. 6 days, to be exact. and here i am,
LESS THAN half-baked.
i should start now now now~
i don't EVER. want to regret, if that's the last thing i'm going to feel.
i want to leave the school crying.

for joy. =)

and i want to have fun in Japan without a single care, and just take it all in.

so now,

it's time. to STEP UP.

and push back.

okay, maybe after i watch my J-dramas. heh. but i'm going to study! yes i am...
*uh huh.. yeah.sure. we believe you.*

sigh.being 16 is bittersweet.
mk.

look after you.

2006-04-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

i have to blog today even though i feel lazy and everything else that puts me out of the mood to blog, because today was the FIRST TIME in my whole entire secondary school life i was LATE for class. -GASPS- yeah.

there pretty much goes my late-free record for 4 years. and so close. 3 years 4 months and counting.
rat snacks.

anyways.

today...

i absolutely hated myself.

i did the wrong things for the intention of the right.
but that doesn't mean i feel pleased with myself.
thinking about it, if something had went terribly wrong then.
i wouldn't have known how to deal.
i wouldn't have known how to forgive myself.
i wouldn't have known what i did was real.
i wouldn't have known who i was then.
i wouldn't have known if it really happened.

today.
i was at a loss for words. i couldn't find the right words to say.
i didn't know what to think.
and honestly.
i hated myself.
i hated myself.inside out.
and as i stood there thinking.
who was this person?
i used to know her.
and now she's fading.
drifting.
slowly.painfully, but surely, i couldn't do anything, but see that figure becoming a blur.
a person once so vivid.
now a person faceless.
moulded into something else. and i could no longer see what was real, and what was inside the new 'her'.
or maybe the flaws that seem so small awakened. and somehow, they tore open, spread, and they became vast, and so visible.

what happened?

unfeeling.insensitive.unknowing.

i realised.
that the world in my eyes, are simply just. the world in my eyes.
i never really tried looking life from another pair of eyes.
after all, only the outside is visible to the naked eye..
and what's inside, it has to be seen with your heart.

have you put yourself in someone else's shoes yet?
what they may go through.
and to relate.
and even though it's different, it's the same, in some ways.

"You know it's been sad that we just don't recognise the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas or things or people and we take them for granted. And it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you, that you realise how wrong you've been, that you realise how much you really need it; how much you love it." - Nathan Scott.

the best things in life are free.
but they are priceless.
and so precious.

mk.

in a second.

2006-04-15T09:31:00.000+08:00

so, i've changed my skin.
i'm quite liking it, since it's really simple and i like the image on top.
sorry for not updating, laziness and studies got the better of me. hee hee.
well sec 4s, EXAMS start in let's see... 28-15 = 13 DAYS. that's LESS than 2 weeks. sigh. and i have this guilt in me because i've been idling around. well. i have to do something. but having your birthday fall on exam day EVERY YEAR really is a dread. hmph.

Good Friday was yesterday, haha, went out with family to eat the Japanese Buffet Daron intro-ed in his blog. Reason being my brother's going into army in like what 6 days? and my parents wanted to send him off with a feast. hahaha. hmm. it was good, but well, haha. not up to my standards. =) but anyways, you guys can gove it a try. it really is RIDICULOUSLY reasonable for a buffet. they have EVERYTHING THERE. and you should try their TINY CAKES! i mean they're the size of your pinky, or even smaller! haha. they also have a dessert special every half-hour, and all the food you'd find in Japanese cuisine. hahaha. eh, i seem to be advertising/promoting it hor. oh wells.

felt guilty, cause i didn't study at all yesterday. so today i'm going to push myself, i just hope i'm disciplined enough.

i'm liking Aly and Aj, they're really good. and alyson's voice is awesome. hee hee. BRENDA! ALYSON LEH! KEELY! should go listen kay. hahahaha.

"RUSH"

into your head, into your mind
out of your soul, race through your veins
you can't escape, you can't escape.
into your life, into your dreams,
out of the dark, sunlight again.
you can't explain, you can't explain.

can You feel it, can you feel it,
rushin' through your hair,Rushin' through your head,
can you feel it, can you feel it,
don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,
be every color that you are,
into the rush now,
you don't have to know how,
know it all before you try.

pulling you in, spinning you 'round,
lifting your feet right off the ground,
you can't believe it's happening now.
can You feel it, can you feel it,
rushin' through your hair,
rushin' through your head,
can you feel it, can you feel it,

don't let nobody tell you, your life is over,
be every color that you are,
into the rush now,Y
you don't have to know how,
know it all before you try.

it takes you to another place
imagine everything you can.
all the colors start to blend,
your system overloads again.

can You feel it?

don't let nobody tell you,
your life is over,
be every color that you are,
into the rush now,
you don't have to know how,
know it all before you try.
don't let nobody tell you,
don't let nobody tell you,
don't let nobody tell you your life is over,
be every color that you are,
give into the rush now,
you don't have to know how,
know it all before you try.

one of their singles that sound great. =)

so anyways. have fun okay you guys.
mk.

who will survive, and what will be left of them?

2006-04-03T21:46:00.000+08:00

i've just caught the latest ep of OTH.
and if anyone out there followed, Keith dies.

it was really powerful.

life is so fragile.and so short.

you know, i'm really sorry i'm sounding so solemn right now, but it had that much of an impact on me, and there's really nothing else i can do but rant about it.

Basically, a boy named Jimmy Edwards had some problems. he was lonely, and he was trapped, inside. there was no one to turn to, and his friends weren't there for him. he didn't say he mind, but inside, hatred started to grow. he wanted it to stop, and when the time capsule was released, he saw it as the time to take action, so he took a gun, wanting to stop everything. but he couldn't take it back.

Nothing's going to be the same again.

Lives lost, trauma.The gun shot, that brings the deafening silence. The stillness in the air. The time that freezes... and suddenly, everything feels cold, like there's no warmth in the world, no happiness.

***********************************

Keith tried to save him, but Dan killed him. So now everyone thinks Jimmy killed him, but it was Dan, and he's the mayor of the town. beat that. to that he says.
"You started the war. and I just finished it... I finished it."

everything's so uncertain.you just think.everything's going well, but you never know what's waiting for you round that corner.because it's life, and you have to take it in.because it's life.

how is it really like to lose a person?
a person you love.
that you take for granted, and take it that they'll always be there?

"the stages of our grief.anger.fear.guilt.depression.acceptance.and the first seeds of grief."

there's nothing for sure that you know of in this world.
but when you're in the darkness.
"I know you want some answers, but what is the right answer? there is no answer. it's just life. just life."

and you'll have to face it.

does it only have to be, when a tragedy happens, do people examine their lives, and maybe change, because they know, that things can never be the same? but what if tragedies don't happen? do people continue to take their lives.their surroundings for granted? do they only contemplate the implications of their actions when circumstances force them to do so?

that's a place i wouldn't understand. and honestly, i don't think any of that's going to change, unless someone wants it to.

but if people only get judged by what they do, and not by how attractive, or unattractive they are, by the sports we play or the hobbies we have. then maybe, we would come together, undivided, and not stuck to this rigid circle of our own kinds.

i believe too.
"Whatever we do in this world matters in the next."

treasure what you have.life's too short to miss out on the many good things in this world.

is there a heaven?
mk.

the journey to learn.

2006-03-30T21:50:00.000+08:00

I've learned ... that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned ... that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts.
I've learned ... that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better know something.
I've learned ... that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do but to the best you can do.
I've learned ... that it's not what happens to people that's important. It's what they do about it.
I've learned ... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned ... that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned ... that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned ... that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I've learned ... that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned ... that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned ... that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned ... that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I've learned ... that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.
I've learned ... that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I've learned ... that learning to forgive takes practice.
I've learned ... that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned ... that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I've learned ... that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I've learned ... that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.
I've learned ... that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.
I've learned ... that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned ... that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned ... that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned ... that you should never tell a child their dreams are unlikely or outlandish. Few things are more humiliating, and what a tragedy it would be if they believed it.
I've learned ... that your family won't always be there for you. It may seem funny, but people you aren't related to can take care of you and love you and teach you to trust people again. Families aren't biological.
I've learned ... that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned ... that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I've learned ... that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned ... that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I've learned ... that sometimes when my friends fight, I'm forced to choose sides even when I don't want to.
I've learned ... that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned ... that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions.
I've learned ... that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned ... that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I've learned ... that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.
I've learned ... that no matter how you try to protect your children, they will eventually get hurt and you will hurt in the process.
I've learned ... that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned ... that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life.
I've learned ... that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned ... that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.
I've learned ... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I've learned ... that writing, as well as talking, can ease emotional pains.
I've learned ... that the paradigm we live in is not all that is offered to us.
I've learned ... that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I've learned ... that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned ... that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
I've learned ... that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe.

smitten.
mk.

leaving.

2006-03-26T00:03:00.000+08:00

stand up. even if you fall.
stay strong. even if there's nothing else to lean back on.

alone..

when you know that your insides are hollow. and there's no more you look forward to. lonely is my middle name.

friends come and go.. they are beautiful, like fireworks that light up your life, but won't last, not for long.

where are you?

the one that stays beside me.
the one who can look into my eye.
the one who can promise me forever.
the one who can mean it.

i can't find you in the sea of people.

********************************

can you.
tell me what i should do?
where i can pick up what i've lost.
recover the things i've once owned.
and finally.
find the heart.
that made me...
enjoy life?

that world.
losing touch.
losing feel.

how can i keep it alive...
anything.
i'm willing.
but keep me in that world.

reel.
mk.

untouchable.

2006-03-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

bring me back. take me whole.
i never want to leave.
my sanctuary.
my comfort.
my solace.
the surreal.
the unreal.
the untouchable.

*****************************

people say that we should treasure the times we have in school, for they are most precious... treasure our youth, and treasure the things we are capable of doing when we're young... enjoy while you can.

but you'd never imagine how much flaws there were behind those beautiful words.youth.innocence.

you can't believe how we've already stepped into THE society. stained with dirty politics, schemes.plans. and nasty stuff. and you just never really knew about it, but subconsciously, you're living through it all.

they keep saying... 'Nobody's perfect' and that 'it's okay to make mistakes.' but how many people can actually really accept the things. bad and good. given to you, without just saying it, but doing it. showing it, and mean it?

no one.

we complain. we backstab. we feel anger. jealousy. unhappiness. sadness. among other things.

human prototypes are born to feel all this, it's God's will.

the real world. that put us in battle each day. selfish, cruel.

what is real?

i wouldn't know.

i live in a reel world.

*************************************

i have come to accept. slowly.. and painfully, the things that have happened and the changes that have taken place.. not entirely. but i know. and i will learn ro adapt. haha. my words don't tally with the whole chunk i mentioned. in fact, they're total irony.

everybody looks at face value and they conclude that is everything you need to know about something or someone. who needs inner beauty anyway?

right.

behold the world so shallow, superficial.

so many things have changed, and...

hmm.

i wish i never learnt of all that.

i always lived life the way things are. tried and tested. safe. my world was tranquil. and though they didn't know it, i mocked silently at those who were silly enough to welcome anything that put their lives in jeopardy. i was a girl, looking out onto the dangers, seperated by a simple... intangible forcefield. and i was glad to be inside. because i knew what the consequences were. if i opened the door to these things, i would leave my comfort zone. and i wasn't ready to leave my bed of roses just yet.

but they still came to me.

and subsequently SUCKED MY BRAIN and REPLACED ME WITH AN IMPOSTER. HAH. LOSERS. you never knew i WASN'T REALLY MUN KIT RIGHT? HA.

okay. kidding. i am still me, mk. authentic. original. hahaha.
i didn't want to make this entre seem too heavy.

those things i referred to are situations.

these things.situations.kind of just slap you in the face, without warning. they force you to look at things in a different light. that underneath it all.. the glamour. the emotions. were something more complex. and profound, that i couldn't decipher.

i was lost.

i didn't know who i was anymore. because i changed. it felt and seemed like more people hate/disliked/loathed me more than they liked me. and i began to think. i wasn't like that when i was 13.

why did i feel that way?

because i was more confident? because i was more innocent then? because i wasn't trying to pretend to be someone i'm not? because i was younger?

no. because things were much simpler then. and things went fabulously well for me, i wanted that chain of good fortune to continue, and never to end.

i was me all along. just different.

because i encountered more things. and i got to stumble onto stuff that went on behind the curtain. situations that i didn't like. truths that i didn't like. why? because they weren't music to my ears. because they weren't words of praise. they weren't words of nice.

and more situations came in, more challenges, and i had to take them all, seemingly in my stride, though i was dying inside, and there was no one to turn to.

because i was the only one left.

the rest was but a blur.

i was standing, alone.
looking.

but there was no one. there were thousands of people passing by, faceless. not one of them i knew.

friends, politics. competition.

and for the first time in my whole life,

i felt i was hanging loose.

i didn't belong.

i felt crushed. and the optimism. that trait in me. that burned within me had extinguished. i've
changed. because i couldn't feel or receive comfort from where i was. i started to speak different. think different. i kept wishing that i would revert back to the old me. but i never realised that 'I' was inside, all along, and that i could never look back and be that same person again, but instead. look forward. and come out stronger. even better than before.

i was naive. i cast away suspicious thoughts that swelled in my head, because i didn't want to face reality. i was overwhelmed by my own pride. but what do i have left? i've done more things i would have never done. accomplished more embarassments. i became a facade for myself.

to deal.face it.
to beat.conquer it.

now things are different once again, and though it's still hard, it's easier.

but i know that stuff happens, and they will all make you stronger.

"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeoninga of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years finds, shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." -- Invictus

i.am.me.
mk.

a sea before the horizon.

2006-03-24T19:54:00.000+08:00

this feeling...

what can it be?

i'm leaving the world.
that world. where i felt comfort. where i felt happy. where i felt that everything was surreal.
i don't want to leave it ever...
but my legs. they're taking one step, one after the other...
and i can't do anything about it.

****************************

AND THAT'S ALL I REMEMBERED.

i pressed something and it erased what i JUST TYPED. DAMN IT. and it was so darn good.

no mood alr.

later.
mk.

shu yu wo zi ji de e zuo ju zi wen.

2006-03-20T22:35:00.000+08:00

helloo.
i can't believe i woke up to school today.
i mean, it feels the like hols haven't even started and now, it's over.
talk about time flying.seriously.

so it's term 2, and there are just loads of things to get excited and hoo-ha about. Chinese oral exam for instance, and then there's mid-years... and then there are just some things that are too personal to publish on a public domain, so i'll leave those unsaid. wahahahahaha.

oh god. i am so sucked into the world of geniuses, not-so-bright people, and i don't want to leave it ever.

CAN I SAY THANK YOU ENOUGH TO JACQ? I DON'T THINK SO.

hee.

haiya. i have to return the discs soon, but i can't bear to...
maybe i'll buy it.
^_^

i keep digressing right?
right.

i shall rant more tomorrow.or the day after, or tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow, or.. NEVER.
wahahahahaha.we'll see.
mk.

2006-03-12T19:50:00.000+08:00

i'll have to follow my own-made schedule tomorrow.

haha.well.holidays aren't supposed to be holidays this year i guess. like they say, 'no pain, no gain'. but suffer now and enjoy later. right?

so i'm really making every second count this weekend, enjoying all the free time i can get, and i feel pretty damn good about it already. all thanks to Jacq, who lent me 'It Started With a Kiss'. it's like so damn bloody nice, and i can't believe i actually bore a grudge against the show. that's all changed now, wahaha.

are geniuses all lonely? i wonder.

it's been a trying time for me.and i'm really tired.

shuey reckons my confidence level dropped ever since i lost the election to Jacq. i don't know myself. because while i still am good at being emcee and talking and stuff. it's just.. not the same. i was more than this. but i wonder where that mun kit has gone. she seems to have taken off without me. like when i'm writing a composition, words don't flow through as smoothly as before anymore. now i feel easily intimidated... and it's been really. a long time since i've felt happy. the kind of feeling where you just don't give a heck about anything.

and i know for sure that sue ann was right.

because i can't see myself anymore. i don't know who i am...

it's like a facade everytime i look into the mirror. but i can't gloat about it now can i. if i want Japan... if i want good grades and a decent life. i will have to work for it!

yeah well. mk, be happy.
regain that old YOU! wahahahaha. SUCCUMB TO MY PROWRESS!
mk.

empty.

2006-03-07T22:18:00.000+08:00

"...all the hopes and dreams I had, I've come to the conclusion that if having things turn out the way you wanted them to is the measure of a successful life, then some would say that I'm a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life's disappointments. Learn to let go of the past. And recognize that every day won't be sunny, and when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair remember it's only in the black of night you see the stars. And those stars will lead you back home. So don't be afraid to make mistakes, or stumble and fall, cause most of the time the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you'll get everything you wish for. Maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination."

i'm going to do better than this, because i am better than what i am now.

have faith.
mk.

ps: something happened to mondo.

with tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, we slept.

2006-03-04T22:29:00.000+08:00

watched One Tree Hill.

it took my breath away. as always.

But this time it was so powerful. I even bawled.

the episode featured the aftermath of the students' time capsule(to only replay it after 50 years), when it was unleashed.

"So you wanna know what it's like in my high school. Well the truth is, there's not a single person in this school worth remembering. See the people here are fake. So they stick to their cliques to hide it. The stoners are medicated, the honor students are afraid of the jocks, well, they're jocks man. They'll peak at 17, and their cheerleader girlfriends will be fat and lonely by 21. LOSERS. EVERYONE here is a loser. And the truth is, everyday I have to come to this school, is one less day I have to come back."

Jimmy Edwards. Despondent. Invisible. Lonely.

To have so much hatred in his heart. and to carry it. to have said something that harsh.

to the level of carrying a gun.to the level of hurting someone, to the level of ignoring all the consequences, because he wanted it to stop. but the truth is, he wasn't bad. he wasn't evil, angry. he was scared.

being ignored by your best friends for 4 years. being spat on, until you learn to look at the floor when you walk the halls, being picked on, bullied, when your father left you and your mother. carrying all that. when you're just 17.

the pain in your stomach. the pain in your heart.

the path of no return. you can't take it back. you can't erase it.

"I spent one whole day in this school without a single person looking at me or talking to me. And i realised that was the best day i'd had in a long time. The day that nobody noticed me at all. The day i stopped being there. That was the best day. Well, that was kinda depressing, so i went home and took an anti-depressant. And then i took another one, and then for fun i took 12 more. My mum and the doctors called it an accident, and then two weeks later when i got back to school, nobody noticed. It was like i NEVER left. I guess that's the up-side of not being there in the first place right? Nobody misses you when you're gone."

it's not true.

you can change it. change the way things are.

I quote Mouth.
"It's not supposed to be this way. The artists and scientists and poets. None of them fit in at 17. You're supposed to get past it. Adults. They see kids killing kids and, they know it's a tragedy because they used to be those kids. The bullies and the beaten and the loners, you're supposed to get past it. You're supposed to live long enough to take it all back. Just take it all back."

People. We're all just people. Not all the same, but we're all, just. People.

we neglect. but we care. we ignore. but we know they exist. we hide. but we come out to the open. we cry. but we feel happiness. we are weak. but we feel strength. we are vulnerable. but we are protected.

it's not supposed to be happening this way. because he didn't get up wanting to do it. but he wanted it to stop. tired, he just wanted it to stop. even if he knew what he was doing was wrong. there was no way. because hatred had overwhelmed him, and it overcame the love and the person he used to be.

"Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred. How did it find us? Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happened to us? That we now send our children into the world like we send young men into war, hoping for their safe return. But knowing that some will be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?"

How long have i since talked to an old friend. or a friend that needed me. but i wasn't there. how many of these people are out there, wanting. waiting. seeking the love they long and desire, but was never at the receiving end?

I'm sorry.

"God Bless the Child" by Michelle Featherstone

God bless the child
who can't find their way home
God bless the child
who is weary and soaked

Oh.. beware to take care of yourself
or you'll lack the strength to help somebody else

God bless the child
who is broken and bruised
God bless the child
who just wants to be good

Oh.. beware to take care of yourself
or you'll lack the strength to help somebody else
so take care
so take care..of yourself

Oh.. beware to take care of yourself
or you'll lack the strength to help somebody else
so take care
take care..of yourself

with tired eyes, tired minds, tired souls, we slept.
mk.

hmm.

2006-03-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

CAs started today. haha.

Chinese. it was cool, but i spend loads of time on the zong he tian kong part. haha.

English is tomorrow. i CAN'T wait. Jospeh said Mdm wong's the setter, and she told him to "prepare to die." wahahaha. oh wells. i just want to do my best. I hope Social Studies will go well too, i just need to pass EVERYTHING.

you know... i really can't believe i'm already living my final year of my secondary school life. How did the 3 years pass by so fast? I even registered for 'O' levels today. It's really like a slap in the face. I mean. It's happening, but i'm constantly pinching myself.

walking through the pain.
mondo.
mk.

frumpy grumpy.

2006-02-28T21:48:00.000+08:00

everyone's grumpy lately.

common tests are tomorrow, can't wait.

well. i'm not that confident, but i do want to start passing everything. whahahaha. besides. i have stuff at stake. wells.

FIGHT!

okay. so i've touched Physics, Chem, Social Studies and practiced Math, although i detest trigo and circles. WHO KNEW circles were more than just... round? the world. seriously.

so I GOT MY JAPANESE RESULTS.

passed.

so i'm officially JLPT level 4 qualified. wahahhaa. still inferior. seriously. i need to feed myself more anime, dramas, and notes and shows and whatnot.

haiz.

today was cheer. and wells. my throat feels all spiky again.anyways. had fun, but the sec 2s, i had trouble.i guess your enthusiasm dies down when you're older. hm. on the other hand, the sec 1s were great. wahahaha. many of them even said they want to be councilors~ hee hee. yep yep.

digressing, i'm really happy for the netballers, cause they won their match against Dunman. wahahahaha.

stress.

oh loads are happening. and i have to be strong.

mondo.
mk.

keep tryin'

2006-02-27T16:15:00.000+08:00

so. it's common test week.

gambare nakya ne. (have to work hard.)

sigh~ just thinking about all the topics i have to cover within 2-3 days. i feel so stressed. because i don't want to fail anymore. failing is like. academic suicide. wahahaha. in a way i guess.. it kills you slowly.. because you just get more demoralised each time you see a depressing, boring, evil, ominous, ferocious, dull, red mark on the top right-hand corner of the test/exam paper. which sucks. because eventually you get bored with it, and you just don't bother. i mean. i do keep trying you know. but i think i have my weaknesses. like not having good time management and an analysis on my priorities, but i guess it's no excuse.i have to buck up. NOW.

therefore i will study more. wahahahaha~ and i have something to keep me motivated. so if i fail anything, it will be at stake. hee.

well well. loads have happened. like. i don't know. just loads of stuff. and i want to smile more. Mary told me i don't smile as much anymore. guess it's because i get a taste of harsh reality, and some other things i wish i didn't have to know about. i'm probably carrying a lot more compared to when i was still a rascal.

i digress.

i scored 24/30 for my compo! wahahahhahaha. haiz. i just hope my standards will mantain. and continue to rise, if possible. i still need to get my commonwealth essay done, but i have no idea whatsoever on what i should write. Guess i won't enter the competition and just let Mrs. Chandran or Mdm. Wong grade it or something. It's for 'O' Level practice, after all. Who knows what goes through the brains of those British anyway? they might just get you stuck on a topic like, "CHILLI" which is TOTALLY rational, considering the fact that my cousin did it for her exam, but i mean. what exactly can you compose? --- "Chilli. The red, the spicy, the really HOT vegetable/fruit, that is probably known worldly as an essential to foods and our lives. i love/hate chilli because it gives me a rush of blood to the head/brain, and a stimulating feeling that lingers on for ALL ETERNITY..." well. it could be a bad and good thing. so Jared is right. love-hate relationships do exist. wahahaha. eh. i don't think i made my point. oh wells.

UGH. i need to MAKE ALL THIS WORTHWHILE, so i can finally fly my butt to Japan and have a slamming time. well, that and beach bumming... oh and there's shopping... GAH. in SHORT. LIFE IS GOOD AFTER Os. well well.

whatcha all been doing?

...

Mondo.
mk.

dreams.

2006-02-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

i am inferior.
i am scared.
i am having doubts.
i am not going to make it.
i am doomed.

It's like everyone's talking about their future... Polytechnics or JCs, which one they plan on going to, what courses are they going to take... what's going to happen AFTER that, what career path they've decided on... It seems like everyone has decided, but i feel like i'm still stuck in between. "Oi, Poly or JC? decided yet?" if the person answers "Yeah, probably Poly/JC..." the conversation carries on naturally, for there are endless topics to discuss and talk about. I mean, i've totally been there and done that, just today we talked for a solid TWO HOURS on 'What I Plan to Do in The Future' in bk. and i was seriously wondering whether we were being inconsiderate since maybe there are people who would like to take our seats. But i mean, if that same person were to answer "No, i have no idea leh." Then the conversation would probably just end there, or the other would talk about his/her plans, or the topic would simply change altogether. But somehow that seems higly unlikely, because ever since my peers and I have become Sec 4s, 'O' levels are probably the new 'love' and 'obsession' of our lives, since that is all we think and worry about the whole time,(ALBEIT there are other concerns and burden we carry around.) like we're completely infatuated with it or something. though i think it feels pretty different compared to being infatuated with a person. ahem.

And people like Joseph and Jacq and Bundit... OH WHO AM I KIDDING.majority of the people i know. aim high. They plan to get SINGLE DIGIT aggregates.(did i spell that right?) I imagine myself getting an 8 pointer and i see myself nose-bleeding. So no, i'll aim high, but i'll be realistic. 11-13 for L1R5. eh. that means i'm still aiming for single digit right. if i go poly they'll be looking at my L1R4. hmm. i have no idea, but here are the grades i'm targetting to get:

English. A1/A2 (Jacq and Jos said they MUST get A1, and i'm feeling pressurised. i mean. even as i'm typing this entre i am trying to sound as SOPHISTICATED as possible. now who am i kidding? woe is me. i am a pathetic loser.)
Math. A2/B3/B4 (Oh wait. At this point Jos pops in my head and tells me that if i get a B4 for any ONE subject, that's it. i'm FINISHED. he has a hand on his hip and he is wagging his index finger at me.)
Chinese. A2 (Well, i don't want to boast that i can get A1. Scally later i get lower so paiseh.)
Sci Chem. A2 (At this rate i'm doing mental calculations and i just realised that 11-13 is FREAKING difficult.i have broken out in cold sweat.)
Sci Phy. A2 (...speechless.apparently.)
PoA. A2
Hist/SS. A1/A2

So there you have it. Well in this case i have to quote my cousin. "Want it bad enough to work for it."

Like. how TRUE is that? oh and since i'm feeling more optimistic now, i shall change the first few lines of the entre to more positive ones.

from this:
i am inferior.
i am scared.
i am having doubts.
i am not going to make it.
i am doomed.

to this:
I will work harder to prove to gits out there that i am better.(wahahahahaha.)
I am afraid but who isn't? I'll get over it and live. Be ready lah. scared what.
I will think of how bad i want Mass Comm and media studies and hosting and going to the US and meeting the cast of Harry Potter and working for MTV and going to Japan for a moment.----> YEAH I WANT IT. to the extent of licking the sole of a shoe, even after that shoe has stepped into a toilet. well of course i'd RATHER work hard than go through all that.
I have to want it that bad. (read above.)
I wouldn't want to die without fulfilling all of my dreams.

there. more positive right? wahahahaha. i would say more egoistic though.

but i guess there's just not too much to worry about, since i WILL HAVE TO deal with it when it comes, because it's not something i can run away from. And i'll do it that one time, give it my best shot, and do it good. MORE than good, and move on. Be satisfied, and not regret it.

Because i want to leave. Happily. Tears of Joy, not Disappointment.

"Most of our life is a series of images. They pass us by like towns on a highway. But sometimes a moment stuns us as it happens, and we know that this instant is more than a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every PART of it. Will live on forever."

good luck.
mk.

xing nian kuai le.

2006-01-28T23:43:00.000+08:00

all psyched up for new year?

well, if you count going to my uncle's house and watching all those feng fei fei concerts then.. maybe not really. (i know right? FENG FEI FEI. i bet 90% of you don't know who/what is that.)

anyways, i did some last minute shopping with Cheng yesterday. bought two tops and a skirt. whee.and went down to takashimaya today to get my shoes.i wanted to get those ankle-tying heels/wedges, but can't find the right one, so i settled for kitten heels, silver. wahahaha. 79.90. 15% off, used 40 dollars worth of voucher so in the end, paid a freaking 27.90 only. wahahahaha.

i haven't coordinated my outfit for tmr yet. how? what should i wear? hmm.

(note to nat if you're reading: yeah you can start rolling your eyes la.)

anyways.regarding the previous entre, i finally let it out, and big huggies and thanks to kor kor.ben kor kor.shuey and mummy. being brutal honest does help, because i do believe the truth sets you free, so i'll try to amend myself. so. thank you all, so very much.

(note: doesn't matter if the rest of y'all don't understand.)

sigh.i want to be in love!!

whoop. that was random. hahahahaha. but seriously, it's becoming a bit of a bore not being able to have special plans with a someone on Valentine's. you know? and since v day's nearing and the lovey dovey atmosphere is beginning to surface... well, in the midst of all the tong tong tong qiang festive mood, yeah. haha. i'm feeling romantic. wahahahahahha. oh wells.

anyway.i'm feeling calm yet excited... warm yet cold... shallow yet deep... hahaha. oxymorons, but no, i really do feel like that. it's like you're just sitting down and wishing.. longing for something, and thinking you're at a certain place, and when your mind finally drifts you to your fantasy, reality bites you, and you're jolted back into your seat. how sad when that happens, so that's just how you feel.what i mentioned above.

i digress.

switchfoot is playing now. and that song rocks. no kor, not stars , but the blues. it's an awesome song. and it fits my mood right now, so i'll post the lyrics.

"the blues" by Switchfoot.

is this the New Year, or just another night?
is this the new fear, or just another fright?
is this the new tear, or just another desperation?
is this the finger, or just another fist?
is the kingdom, or just a hit and miss?
i've missed direction, most in all this desperation
is this what they call freedom?
is this what you call pain?
is this what they call discontented fame?
it'll be a day like this one,
when the world caves in
when the world caves in
when the world caves in
i'm singing this one, like a broken piece of glass,
for broken arms and broken noses in the back
is this the new year, or just another desperation?
you push until you're shoving,
you bend until you break,
do you stand on the broken fields where your fathers lay?
it'll be a day like this one,
when the world caves in
when the world caves in
when the world caves in
when the world caves in,
(ah,)
when the world caves in,
when the world caves in
there's nothing here worth saving,
there's no one here at all,
is there any net left, that could break our fall?
it'll be a day like this one,
when the sky falls down,
and the hungry and poor and deserted are found
are you discontented?
have you been pushing hard?
have you been throwing down, this broken house of cards?
it'll be a day like this one,
when the world caves in,
when the world caves in,
is there nothing left now?
nothing left to sing?
are there any left now, who haven't kissed the enemy?
is this the new year, or just another desperation?
ah...
does justice ever find you?
do the wicked never lose?
is there any other song, to sing beside these blues?
and nothing is okay,
till' the world caves in,
till' the world caves in,
till' the world caves in,
till' the world caves in,
till' the world caves in,
until the world caves in,
until the world caves in,
until the world caves in,
until the world caves in,
until the world caves in,
until the world caves in...

**********************************

well yeah. there you have it.go listen to the song! i think it's great if you're looking for inspiration.but it's no pop.

sigh.life hits you hard.and it hits you in the face.
but it doesn't matter how fast you fall.
because what matters is how fast you stand up.

it's been a really random entre by a nocturnal to be.
mk.
1.13 a.m

untitled.

2006-01-26T22:13:00.000+08:00

hello.

well.no updates this period, but here i am, and it's already the end of January.like.how fast is that?
anyways,loads have happened,in every aspect i guess.
it's just funny how they happen.like they take you by surprise,and they usually happen when you don't EXPECT it to happen.

i digress.

i'm so tired and drained out and just everything else BUT all the bubbly, vibrant, energetic words you can possibly find in a dictionary.
is it the work load?
the stress?
because it's my last year?
o levels?
council?
the will within me.struggling to keep to my resolutions?
or am i just plain weak?

just today ms s. teo, ms yew and jacqueline. well, and a bunch of other people really said that i looked real mood and gloomy and that i'm feeling the blues. very tweaked. so don't step on my toes.

by the way, this something happened.and now it's so weird.
and like the other something which i'm trying really hard to resolve, this adds onto it and i have no idea how i'm going to pull through.

it's really hard for me now because i feel like i have no one to turn to.at all.

i think of the people i'm close with and then i suddenly realise, it feels like i have no one.sure they're my close friends and i can trust them,but... i don't seem to be a part of anything.excluded and stuff.and that feeling really sucks.because i feel alone, and i hate feeling alone.i really don't want it to be such a big deal, so i'll just.dust the dirt off my shoulder.

i just didn't expect my blue and down days were going to hit me so soon.
Munira, if you're reading,i wanted so much to e-mail you.i will, but i can't find the time and i can't seem to organise my thoughts properly.everything's so messy, so give me some time.

honestly, i have no idea what's bothering me so much.would someone enlighten me? raise your hands and tell me.i haven't had a good night's sleep and i just wish everything would go away.even this candy skin is annoying me.it's supposed to brighten my day and make me happy-wappy~! but no.it's irritating.bah.

a very worn out.
mk.

lost.

2006-01-10T19:42:00.001+08:00

goodness.

this always happens.when i say 'this', i'm referring to the many times i've felt there's SO much in me, wanting to break free from inside... it's like all my thoughts are shackled up inside of me, like a caged up bird, looking out to the wide sky, yearning to fly away. But everytime i attempt to let it out of me, the words can't come out. it's like all of a sudden, i've lost the ability to form words that describe how i feel, and sentences that tell a story.my story.

but well, i'll try my best.

lately, because of the rainy weather... loads of people are either feeling grey, or soft comfort in the never-ending pour. me? i would say both, because i like the cool weather, but at the same time, thoughts are constantly running through my head. like, it's not exactly fitting to be all happy happy joy joy anyway, (with the exception of a few, i don't know.) so i would call this period a very bittersweet one. comfort and pain. an oxymoron. no? oh hey, it could be an oxymoron period! haha. but bittersweet sounds more... deep. well it actually depends on how you look at it yeah.

i am also thinking about Japan a lot, what fun~ with my friends in winter, no rents', no rules and whatnot, for a week! with the exception of the teachers, temo sensei-tachi no koto wa DAIIsuki da yo ne~ so there's nothing to it.

whoop.a bit of a digress there.but well, the cool weather does make me wish there was winter here, and since that can't happen of course my thoughts will drift off to Japan!

anyways, haven't you all notice that the most beautiful things in the world are the most difficult to put into words? On the contrary, the worst things that could ever happen in this world are also the most difficult to make out in words?

i guess it's because you'll need to witness them first hand, and since many, many thoughts and feelings clash when you do, one becomes speechless.

--------------------------------------------------------

My 2006 senior year predictions/resolutions:
- i will finally work my ass off to get the grades i want.
- that prom happens.
- everyone to be safe and happy.
- go to Japan.
- have a SLAMMIN grad party with my mates.
- that i will eventually realise my dream.
- that it will eventually turn out the way i want.

---------------------------------------------------------

Following your dream
is no guarantee of an easy ride.

Life usually becomes more challenging,
but you embark on an outer journey
which starts the inner journey.

You have a chance to blossom -
to see who you really are.

mk.
raw.

it's january.2006.

2006-01-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

it's a new year.

i know, i haven't been updating.well, here goes.

i'm currently walking through the last year of my secondary school life.nothing special? oh but everthing is, the bit of dust in the classroom, the vandalised tables, and the squeaky chairs, the rusty shelves, the never-fixed-forget-about-me projectors and the asylum meets hospital paint colours of the school.i'm actually going to miss all this.

and here i am thinking.

how am i to make it all worthwhile?

deal with tomorrow when it comes.i cannot fear nor actually put too much thought into what is coming.because we all attract what we fear, and we cannot run away from it.the only way to beat fear is to face it.

i quote anna nalick,"life is like an hourglass glued to the table."

oh but how true?

we only live, this once.even if we make mistakes, we only get one shot at life, and we can't reverse the things we've done.but that,again,is how we learn.we might be reincarnated, blah dee blah de blah.but no.it's about living in THE moment.and we are all.looking for that moment.searching, and so, we can experience.feel.how life is, stripped raw and real.for situations and certain things that happen and befall us seem surreal and dreamlike.how many times do we reach the peak? do we actually feel contented,fully established as a person and ready, to take the next step, to another level, and grow.

i shall digress a tad bit.

it's been raining so frequently nowadays, it's so damn cold it reminds me of when i was in Japan, which ISN'T the best thing because it just makes me miss it more.hmph.but it's nice to have such cool weather, although everything else becomes a drag and the laundry won't dry.

right.

so anyways, i'm really glad cause shuey confirm going liao.and yunzhen most likely, and germaine and cheng theng! but i still wish the rest were a little more enthusiastic. i mean. it's like i've been promoting for a year already and then someone else suggests something and everyone's like."YEAH THAT'D BE REAL COOL!" -_-" not that i'm complaining, because those ideas and the unofficial schedule plan(there's an 'i' word for this but i forgot the spelling.) sounded really attractive, so i'm like so toally getting a holiday job to go! wahahahaha. i will have all the time in the world.after the big Os. provided if i study and work hard for it lah.

so..yeah back to the point.

just today i was in the p.e room with yunzhen,sarah,germaine,bernie and we were talking about how disappointed we all are,knowing that our council career is going to end.so soon.i mean, i've felt that way ever since november/december 2005, but now that the time really is drawing near,i feel really sad. i mean. i've become so attached with everything, and suddenly it's going to be taken away.(in correct terms we are going to pass the jobs onto our juniors,but it sure as hell feels that way.)i love being in council.i can sense guffaws and sneers already as i typed that out but the thing is, i really do love council. i mean, there are those who don't understand but i guess that's okay.Right now for me, the task at hand would be: proving that i am as good a follower as i am a leader. i'm struggling a bit at hand with that now, but i've got to learn to bite my lip and keep thoughts to myself too. so yeah, i was just referring to how nostalgic i felt when i was watching the video san jie made, for the orientation thing, and i realised how i missed the camps SO terribly, especially the sentosa one and obs,the school events, our seniors that just graduated, the stuff we went through together,rain or shine. sec three was really a helluva year for us, i guess, because there was just so much at hand.

can you imagine,we've all started to talk about,"what do you wanna be next time?"or"where you going?poly?jc?"or"what do you plan to do?"all these questions asked and engaging in deep discussion and conversation on the possibilities that are never-ending..i know, it's about time we did,but time.time has been merciless,it's got us twirled around it's little finger.i mean, it only felt like yesterday, when we it's passing so fast, i haven't got the time OR space to breathe or ponder over those thoughts that has been re-surfacing through my mind, like,"what's going to happen to me if i continue failing?"or"what's going to happen to me after Os?"or"will i get the course i want?"or"will i get there?my dream.will i realise it?" and then it hit me like how an apple dropped onto newton's head. there really is no time to think, you've got to fulfill every minute.every second you can spare into nurturing and polishing your weakness, so you will be prepared, and confident to face and be placed into combat with fear when it comes knocking on your door. you have to deal with it.

therefore,i want to make sure i have no regrets,i'll do whatever is on my 2006 predictions/resolutions list, clear the list, and then move on happily to the next phase of my life. How exciting would that be oh yes~!

well.courage everyone.courage..because:

courage is not the abscence of fear -
courage is acting in spite of fear.

mk.
real.

blue mind.

2005-12-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

well.
it's been quite awhile since i've actually updated, but here i am..

Happy Holidays to Everyone! tis' the season to be jolly, after all.

anyhu.i'm officially quite broke, and it's really because i'm too nice a person.hahaha.i've spent my work money on my friends, i just hope they appreciate it lah.haha.

i've really nothing to blog about, but i do have these thoughts swirling through my brain, it seems i can't put them down in words. like, the sky's the limit, i guess.

by the way, i love reading Xiaxue's posts. they're addictive. i wonder how you all think about her? she's bold, and she's not afraid to be who she is. haha.

oh wells.

yurameku kimochi.
mk.

a potential humanist?

2005-12-12T15:55:00.000+08:00

i give advice like a:

I took the "The Advice Giver" quiz on gURL.com
		Your advice-giving style seems to be like Carl Roger's Humanist Therapy, basically the "unconditional love" approach. If you believe in offering unwavering support to friends in need, no matter what the issue, then you are a textbook humanist. Read more... What kind of advice giver are you?

haha.find out what kind of advice-giver you are.
love,
mk

still.

2005-12-09T19:40:00.000+08:00

everything's so superficial.

sigh~

2005-12-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

once again..
i am blogging.
well i make it sound like a chore now don't i?
haha.no lahh.actually.quite fun.
okay.

hmm.i am seriously engrossed in shows.*tsk tsk* mk.not very wise, and not very helpful in life now isn't it. ah well.it just really shows how bored i am, sigh~ and i feel SO deprived.to the EXTENT.i feel like going BACK to school.that's something.right.hmm.so what happened today was, i had a dental appt right.. haha.was late, but yeah.heck.anyways.i changed my bands to green..you know, to get in touch with my inner santa... yeah okay that was really stupid.haha.no lahh.just wanted to change it for the sake of x'mas.i love CHRISTMAS. i haveno idea why.. i just absolutely LOVE Christmas..i guess it's the feeling..when you see a Christmas tree and all the decorations and everything..feels pretty warm doesn't it? i even love celebrating Christmas more than my birthday, but haha. my family does it in a low-key affair.like, we're not all traditional.not with the gingerbread men and candy canes and turkey. haha.think mr bean. (kor.haha.)i seem to think about charades now.. anyway.. yeah.

after dental, i was supposed to like, go to the esplanade to study.. but it was already quite late... so i decided to go on a little adventure.. haha.was scouting potential x'mas presents.so GUYS.be nice okay.i might turn santarina and give you one.have you been naughty or nice this year? haha.oh my god.. i've never been more in love with the jackets in esprit..to die for.sigh~ so are the prices.but there's like.. so many designs to choose from, since it's the winter/fall collection. haha.yepp.that was when i was walking round Raffles City..and then i went back to city link mall.. as usual.checked out Roxy stuff.went in and saw.EVEN MORE JACKETS.i don't know what to do with myself.hahahahaha.so what i did next was.. haha.kept touching the ones i liked before i had to leave the shop, oh partings are sad.haha.but that was only because the shopkeepers were casting me strange looks.haha.(i was saying that because i said that.)well. yeah.ahaha.so walk walk walk... then actually wanted to scale suntec.. but i went marina square instead..went to esprit..again.and then window shopped warehouse,bebe and skin.this shop that sells the ORIGINAL von dutch and BABY, it AIN'T cheap. i know, because i went in there and like saw a micro-miniskirt. MICRO. like you know. the cloth was like just enough to be around your wrist only that kind of short short one.. ya. 265.34. !!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!????!!! i ran out like some weird bozo.

so anyways.. haha.i also realised.. safe as i was i was outside of that HIGHLY expensive shop, i saw that they had this label true religion. and then i was reminded of my humps. you know: 7 jeans true religion blah blah.. yah. i finally knew that it was actually a brand, not a line of nothing to make the whole song rhyme.hahahaha.ya la.

hmm.then i walk a little bit.. and then i had to go meet my mum.haha.that concluded my little adventure..though it was not really fun to shop and look around alone.and it's weird, because it's like.. you have so many different thoughts rushing through your mind.screaming and shouting for attention.it's so weird.haa.not really la actually.because if you were alone and had no thoughts/nothing to think about then there's something seriously wrong with you.

yupp.so the rest was nothing much.TILL 9pm.

DID I TELL YOU HOW MAD I AM THEY MADE JEANETTE AW LOOK LIKE SOME WHACKO THAT ESCAPED FROM THE ASYLUM? I AM SO MAD. because she happens to be the only local artiste i TRULY support. you know. and they made someone so pretty look like.sigh~

but.THANK GOD she has STRAIGHTENED and REBONDED her hair, she's looking fabulous once more.the only frustration is..why didn't the DAMN CURSED FREAKING stylist i will find and haunt him/her down i swear.

hahaha. and oh. Jianyi. is a TOTAL dreamboat. so now i shall PROCLAIM. GUO YANFU.A..K.A JIANYI.. BELONGS TO.... CHENG THENG. hahaha. see? cheng if you reading. i never let you down kay.hahah.ya la. because Daniel's mine see. hahaha. but anyways. although she's his, i'm still allowed to look at him and have thoughts.. HAHAHAHA okay lahh. i'm not going there...i'm not that sick in the mind really.. but he really is easy on the eyes don't you think? in other words. ABSOLUTE EYE-CANDY. hee.

yoyo and him are so cute together don't ya think?

like to see them together, but don't like it when yoyo giving attitude.like a complete different person, become so fierce, not like her. haha. i like it when she exudes the sweetie-pie image.and i liked episode 18, where they acted against Dajun.hahaha. and then.beyond.haha.you watch you will know.

well the show's a bit draggy.

but for the sake of Jeanette and Yanfu.

oh wells.i hope they faster fa zan lah.i'm so pek cek alr.

outtie.
mk.

japan.oh wherefore art thou harajuku and whatnot?

2005-11-29T17:54:00.000+08:00

holla.

alas.*checks time* it is 6.55pm in Japan right now, and i bet they have arrived in Japan.like long ago, enjoying the cold and icy winter wonderland goodness.hmph.i think they should be at their first hostel now, and they're having dinner.sigh~

oh sher.how will they EVER survive without us? haha. they won't know a thing. hee.. next year/ promise ya. the next time i'll get a santa's hat too.

like.i don't know why i'm blogging so often now, but i think it's the boredom finally getting to me.i don't usually so all this typing.hahaha.but anyways just a few updates, i got a job,hee.and i'll be starting next week.haha.so yeah.maybe the jackets and coats and scarves are not too far from my reach after all. haha.

i WANT JAPAN!
dang it.

aaah.nihon...
mk.

JAPAN = JEALOUSLY. (well for me at least.)

2005-11-28T20:32:00.000+08:00

whoopee doo.

i seriously am overwhlemed with temptation to assasinate those who are leaving for Japan today. i mean. come on. japan without me is like coffee without sugar. totally bitter. the fun's been left behind. not only me, HELL no. hor sher hor? *nudges you in the ribs* sigh. oh wells. i vow.promise.and make an oath to make myself work my ass off next year, and totally fly there again, with all my friends, so it'll be one whole GRADUATION PARTY! only, we're not in singapore, no curfew AND. no parents. well. minus the fact that they have teacher chaperones, but then again it's only natural. right? i am so totally going. next year.

meanwhile, if any of you reading this love hana yori dango like i do, tag my board and create a riot if you feel the injustice when you saw rui(oguri shun) kissing some two extra omake women, snogging them in public.well, in front of the girl that worships him and his buddies anyway. and let me remind you. it's TWO freaking EXTRA girls. not a star, and NOT tsukushi(inoue mao). like. RIGHT? why only hug the damn girl when the taiwan drama(meteor garden by the way), anime AND manga stick to the authencity of it all that RUI kisses TSUKUSHI? GOD. the director. and production team. sigh. that was ep 6 by the way.

stupid extra girl: yaada, atashi ni mo chuu shite..
rui:*warau* hai, hai.

stupid extra girl: hey.. kiss me too.
rui:*laughs* yeah sure.

NAN NA NO YO SORE?

arienai.
hanazawa rui anna koto suru nante.
zettai arienai.

ah well anyways. it's a really "tear-it-up" drama to watch if you're bored to tears.bored to death, bored stiff etc. you get the idea.for the girls you'll fall in love with the actor playing rui.and doumyoji.(lei and dao ming si respectively) they have english hardsubs(which means the subs are affixed to the video.) up till episode 5, and new episodes come on every Friday. it's going to end soon, there are only 9 eps. so, if you're interested, go D-addicts to get it: http://www.d-addicts.com/forum/torrents.php just search hana yori dango and you should get what you want.

they have other asian dramas too. and if you're looking for english stuff, like one tree hill and summerland(featuring jesse mccartney) try the pirate bay: http://thepiratebay.org/

by the way, all their files are in bittorrent format. so yep. you gotta install the program. heee.okay. i know i'm a tv addict.haha. oh wells.

what fun.Christmas is coming and i have a long list. to buy stuff you know.for everyone.and myself.did i mention that Esprit has released a super cute winter collection?Mango too, likewise, for that matter.the clothes are like WAY cool.and the prices are totally even more TO DIE FOR/OVER THE TOP.yeah.i know.still.i want all the jackets and coats that's on sale in there.like i know they're expensive.but haha.you know what. the people close to me, my girlfriends will know i have a weird sort of fetish/obsession with scarves and jackets. -puts hand up to stop incoming comments- i don't know either.go figure.

so... that would like totally give you ideas on what to get for me.right?

-puts up hand again to stop protests-

yeah.okay.joking.

whee.Harry Potter.i watched it like thrice.i'm still game for more if you guys are interested.

tis' the season to be jolly falalalala lalalala.
rudolph the red-nose reindeer..had a very shiny nose...and if you ever saw it,you would ever see it GLOW~
haha.kor i always do that on you right.hahaha.
and then there's another that always play in the department stores.something something rapapapapam~
heh.
oh well have fun under the mistletoe guys.
mk.

festive-ness.

2005-11-26T23:20:00.000+08:00

hello.
today i went out with mum. walked around. nothing much.. but i bought clothes. again. aha.
in another 8 days i will take my japanese exam.

nanka.. kowai na..

but for the sake of me going to Japan again next year. this time, as a graduating trip sort-of thing. i will strive.

i found myself, cheng theng and yunzhen a job.haha. will work for my aunt. sigh. though they haven't agreed lah. hahaha.oh wells.

another 4 days, and we enter December.. how fast, and it's another year gone.
soon we'll be making new year resolutions.predictions.
before we take the plunge.into 2006.
honestly, i have absolutely no idea what next year's going to be like. but it is the last year of secondary school.. and very soon my career as a student councilor, a pd advisor, an exco member.. will end, and the responsbilities will soon be passed on to our respective juniors.you know? i never really understood why students hate us so much anyway. and i guess i never will, another unanswered question that will follow me to my grave perhaps? i mean.. i hear lots of reasons like.. we act big and everything. dog lahh here and there, teacher's pet blah dee blah de blah.. but. we are after all, students too in the first place, and we're human.. like we don't have our own problems to handle. we do have councilors that rebel and all you know. and we do treat them the same we we handle students, if they break the rules. in fact, we expect more from them, just because we are councilors, all because we should act like good role models to the student body. but oh well. if you're swearing after seeing this then i have no more to say.

nazukashiina..

iro iro kangaiteru.

loads of things have happened this year.a fruitful 2005.

sigh.my grades and the stuff i went through was really the cherry of a fantastic year eh. haha.

there's a lot of things i want to achieve in the following year:
- work towards my dream.(ihaven't forgotten my vision.HELL no.)
- get good grades.
- propose prom.(again)
- wrap up and tidy up my council work.
- study hard
- well.um.solve certain social issues.
- continue to learn and perfect japanese.
- TOTALLY sign up for Japan.
- drag ni-chan.cheng theng.joseph.yunzhen.jacintha.sarah.sue ann.germaine.ronald.shawn.ben tan.bernie.bundit(but he'll probably leave for us.-sobs-)sherlyn to japan.and the rest whom i asked but forgot.(please fogive me.)
- meet and make new friends.
- have a great year.have great fun.
- WORLD PEACE.(haha.had to say it.)

so there you have it. so who knows really. what will happen. we are all growing up so fast. it's just that.. time shows no mercy.it waits not for no one.here i am being nostalgic already.as i'm typing this reviews and snippets of the year keeps screening in my head.but well. it is really.but i am so grateful. and so blessed to have friends by my side when i need them.and it's already like we're family.so thanks. to everyone who painted a colourful rainbow. miss you loads to mira. i hope i'll see you soon again!

well.good looking out guys.
osewani narimashita.
mk.

the great expectations.

2005-11-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

holla.
today i realised how out of touch i am with what i want myself to be from last year.not that it hit me only today..subconsciously.i knew, but i guess only today.it sinks in, and i'm accepting the reality, and the need to work really really hard.

today was also the day i realised.that my brother had already graduated from polytechnic, and is moving on to yet another phase of his life.he's going to university soon.. and i just sat there thinking, what will my future be like.. how will i get through next year... how will i get through the exams and how do i make sure i'll do well? i just sat there.. while my brother's and parents' voices drifted away.

at that moment, it was like. it hit me hard in the face. i will have to do this. all of it. everything, on my own.i've got to want it bad enough to work for it. right? because.. no one will be there to sit through the exams with me.. no one is going to be looking out and grabbing opportunities for me the whole time. and there's certainly no one else to help me make decisions, i'm going to have to do it on my own.alone.because by now i'm sure i've learnt, that there won't be such a thing as a 24/7 watch.to watch over me.a 24/7 pillow.where i can sink all my thoughts into.and a 24/7 shoulder, to be there to help me pull through the rough times. no, because there will always be alone time.

"Octavio Paz once wrote; Solitude is the profoundest fact of the human condition. Man is the only being who knows he is alone."

it's cool that my dream resides on the other side of the planet, and that's pretty much something permanant that i can't change, but i can change the way i do things.i can definitely change the way i want things to end up. i can change how i want to live my life. either as one big big big big big big lazybum and will therefore result in a label smacked across my face. 'dropout'. no, that's not my desired destiny. i want to succeed. so i promise to work hard. and when i'm done working hard, i'll start working a little harder, until i'm happy.

dakara atashi ganbarimasu.atashi akidamenai.atashi kitto ne.itsuka.

so my dear friends.if you read this entre, you should totally start pushing me to my limits. i mean go far, but not too far.hee.and oh my gosh.my mum totally let me pre-order tix for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. 3 more days. and Daniel is looking FINE.*squeals* i just had to say it. in a tux. oh my godd. guys in a tux. oguri shun-san mo ne. *totally hyper-ventilates.again.*

well, good looking out guys.

it is MAJOR cute guys week fer me.

whee.dan.iel.ha.
mk.

the tide that left and never came back.

2005-11-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

music that's playing while i'm typing this? lavinia by marjorie fair. it's really cool.
yeah i know. like you care.anyways.
i changed my skin.again.well.not my fave but it is something fresh, so heck.
harry potter is coming in 4 days.i can't wait.really can't.

and that feeling's back again.

what can i say.the pressure.i've not only to work twice as hard, probably a million times harder if i want to be where i want to be.yeah.be a trl vj.in new york.smack in the centre of hollywood fame.it's not everyday where a simple singaporean/asian gets to be that way.right?but like mira says.be positive.and-have faith.yeah.many of you reading this think it's impossible.and utter rubbish.and basically just well.out of my mind.but you can't spell impossible without possible.the world is full of possiblities.whatever it may be.

the leavers dance.

well.i've got 2 potter dates alr.hee hee.more to come.

be safe.
mk.

pilot.

2005-11-10T16:16:00.000+08:00

well. i'm back from the council retreat. haha. it was a fruitful 3 days. thanks to everyone who made it successful.

oh and daddy called! hee hee. miss you loads too yeah.

i'm not going to blog about what happened in the retreat,all i'm saying is. i'm glad things worked out.(ps: cheng, this is for you."Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it's yours." -- Ayn Rand, 'Atlas Shrugged')

how's everyone doing?having fun i suppose. minus the seniors who are mugging oh so hard for their Os, and those taking the qualifying test too.well.hard life.

it's been an eventful year, but then again it's not like every other's a breeze. it's really weird how time passes so fast. it sort of just sucks you in, and you're busy handling your studies and activities and everything else. then it spits you out, and before you realise it, that's it. it's november. and i guess during this period everyone's reminiscing. you know. like events and happenings of 2005 flashes right before your eyes, like some kind of a life story. at least that's how it works for me.there's been rough times. the happy times and the good times, and there was also the usual dose of embarrassments.i'll get over them and live i suppose.in any case, kudos to the council. to the family and other friends who've made my year a hard-to-forget one yet again. what would i do without you guys? hahaha.

love ya.
mk.
"it's the good girls who keep diaries. the bad girls never have the time. me? i just wanna live a life i'm gonna remember. even if i don't write it down." -Tallulah Bankhead

untitled.

2005-11-03T14:50:00.000+08:00

a lot of things have happened.

good and bad.

joy and tears.

anger, quarrels, pain.

laughter, fun and... fun.

Happy Birthday to both Yunzhen and Desheng. yeah one or two days too late to publish my wishes.. heck anyway.

Nov2
Hung out with the usual gang yesterday.. went downtown(all over the place) to celebrate Zhen's bdae. it's really been a while since we last hung out.. Jos, yunzhen, ni-chan and myself were the considerably EARLY earlybirds, though ni-chan and i were a little late. well.. jacintha came a little later.. and then cheng.. and then the rest.. and we were all geared up to go. In any case.. waiting's part of the fun too i guess.. we were doing the usual crapping and talking on the mrt.. proceeded to Somerset. then we went to The Heeren. yeah.. just the usual walking around. but it's great. to be hanging out again, since we were all so busy this year.

We then went back to cine.. scouring the whole place to see where we could dine in. ended up in pastamania. again. (we always seem to end up there.)

er-jie dozed off while waitng the rest of us to finish. i know. he SLEEPS anywhere. but he was such a dear when he offered to treat us all ice-cream... only kor declined coz he was a tad bit ill. hahaha. We then decided to go to taka.. but stopped at Esprit... haha. had little fun moments there. Jos, orange eyeshadow is SO you. haha. nice fall/winter collection though. my wishlist is growing fatter and longer by the minute. haha.

went to taka.. walked around, past all the designer boutiques. haha. i whined to onii-chan i wanted a Burberry scarf and coat for Christmas. haha. then we ogled at the HAUUGE christmas tree that was still under works. then i whined again. to go to Kinokuniya. guess where i ended up? yaya. smart la. the jap section la. wahahahaha. anyways. i looked for the others after i had my fill of Jap stuff, and found them by the psychological tests section.(don't ask.) yeah. they were so engrossed. kor, mummy and i were just sitting there... and then when we finally decided to go.. it happened. it just.. happened. well. i hope that will blow over soon.

by the way,i haven't given my review for outward bound.. for that i'll just give a brief:

Outward Bound was a really meaningful and different experience for me among all the camps I attended. ‘Meaningful’ and ‘Different’ might seem like two very over-used and common words, but they mean so much more.

The thought of attending yet another camp for year 2005 was dreading and trying, but I guess things turned out fine anyway.

There were a few highlights of the camp that will always remain in my mind, that I will keep those memories close to my heart.

Frankly, I did not want to be in the group I was assigned in because most of my close friends were in the other group. I thought, ‘If I were to attend the camp, I might as well make the best of it with my closer friends around’. But like I said, this Outward Bound camp taught me to love the work I do and the people that I’m with, even if I don’t always get to do the work or be around the people that I love. The first 2 days was emotionally trying because we were all frustrated, and we were sick and tired of being lectured by our instructors on punctuality. Not only that, the weather had been terrible and let’s just say everyone was not in the best of their moods. So when I found out that my tent was destroyed by strong winds and heavy rain, it was really upsetting because I felt like I had no reason to deserve this.

Though later I realized that everything happens for a reason, and I knew that this time it was a lesson on action and consequences. Due to poor pitching and last minute work done, it resulted in a very wet and shriveled tent.

I also got a good focus on team spirit and team work because I’ve never seen a mass of people so together during a time of crisis. On the 3rd day on our campsite, the weather was threatening but we were told to go ahead with the pitching of our tents anyway. Many of the group members were afraid. That was how we chose to stick together to get things done – as one group. We had fun, and forgot our fears… I mean. It was pitch black when it was only 7-8pm! Nevertheless, we did it. We sang songs to lighten up the atmosphere, and worked as one. That was the most unforgettable scene and event throughout the whole of the camp.

After that, things just got better and better and we were just brought closer. We bonded so much because of that incident.

Yeah, there were conflicts, but still. We are still one body.

The person that left me the most lasting impression was Wee Kwang. I saw a different side of him. In what way? He was helpful, and cooperative. I guess I portrayed him as a playful and ‘bo chap’ person, but he had been very funny, he knew how to cheer everyone up, and he gave help to whoever needed it, and he participated actively in the group.

In fact, everyone had shown their more ‘gung ho’ sides, and just stood out of their boxes and comfort zones, exposing their excellent potential to be a great leader.

there you have it.

and now for the most dreaded.
my bloody results.

i had a talk with my parents a while ago, though they were doing most of the talking. my mum was asking me how would i be planning my hols. cos she had spoken with Mr Bakar see. and yeah. i really did not do well this year, at all. and i don't know. it's just really hard for me to say anything.. i was either going to burst into flames or just start crying.. so yeah.. i just sat there. the words from their lips sinking into me.

but sometimes i wish they wouldn't just do assumptions. i mean, i get their point. i have to study.. and i need to have time management. and i need to be consistent and keep practicing my weak subjects. i know i have to, no excuse. but i wonder if they know i did put in my heart and soul.my everything. and that i did do my best. aza aza fighting and all that. but i guess they think i didn't try hard enough. i don't argue, because i know i could have done better. it's not me to always fail. and i don't feel good when i fail. i wonder if they know. they want me to let them know my plans.. that i should draw up a timetable.

but timetables don't work for me. heck, i'll try anyway.

my life is screwed. for now anyway.because i'm going to do something about it.i'm going to work on it.because i want to graduate in style.and because i want to go to Japan with everyone.for that i'll slug my guts out.again.

well.yeah.

i'm out.
mk.

one day left.

2005-10-10T16:34:00.000+08:00

heyy.

in any case i changed my template again.(which is obvious.) it's orange again i know, but this was the best i could rip off blogskins.com anyway. so until i learn how to create my own or get a better one.. well haha. get over it and live. it's Tsubasa(Reservoir Chronicles) by the way. i got so excited when i just found out today they have released the anime.(eons ago apparently.) while reading the manga i was hoping so bad they'd do the anime. so they did.and i'm SO JUMPING IN MY SEAT RIGHT NOW. why is it highly acclaimed by yours truly? if you're a fan of CLAMP works (makers/creators of X, sakura..), Tsubasa features many different charas from the different anime and manga, so it's going to be super great fun to watch and see how it turns out.and it'd be really fun to ogle at sakura and syoran all grown-up. i bet syoran will be. hehe. totally CHO KAKOII. and needless to say. sakura will be one damn fine CHIOBU lahh, although they aren't real and are mere anime charas but who cares.

it's one day left to freedom. feels weird. but it's liberating all the same. like. it's the end. already, of the year i mean. not the apocalypse. and then i so won't want to be thinking of what comes after. sec 4 and the big O and all. sheeshkabub.(eh jacq? heh heh.)

oh ya. i do have to say though. Kor and Da ge went off for their first ever jap lesson and thinking about their blurred looks is enough to crack me up. (though ONII-CHAN you could have SO done without the rude signs okay.it's not the teacher's fault she pronounced you as JARE. try looking for a jap who can speak English as well as we do. it's very hard. so don't do that again i will headbutt you i really will. haha. though JARE NI-CHAN sounds irresistably kawaii. i'm calling you that. RONA too ya. hahahhahahaha.)

yunzhen and (the real extra) Joseph wants to sign up too. (Jos, are you trying to prove to me you can be an all-rounder at languages? i have no worries though i am a much more language person than you, minus the vocab. heck.hahaa.) well it's really cool cos san jie and da jie will be taking the same time slot as me. whee. watashi mo sabishiiku nai wa ne. hee. i won't be lonely no more.(rob thomas's voice is surging into my head now.) well it's all good because when i do drag them to go to the Japan Exchange next year they'll know a thing or two, and i can probably tease them for their half-bakedness. (i shouldn't be saying this because i ain't no pro either.sighh.) but yeah. it'll be a really special.. really cool.. really memorable graduating thing. wheee~

i'm super glad to announce that math paper one today was absolutely manageable. hee hee. i've never been so smooth with doing the questions and everything, so yeah. all's good, but i think i've still lost quite a bit of marks, and that is worrying for me because well. i SO want to pass math so badly, but right now things are beyond my control and i'll just have to see how everything goes. being optimistic is my best choice, anyway.

haaa.

ever had wrong stuff happen at the wrong time? i did. i was so lost and confused the other day i was in t e a r s. yes. cried. big deal. i had to work my tear glands out anyway. so yeah. jacq made the situation seem funny though. she made it feel like you're really in a forest. lost. and everything. not knowing what to do. generally if i typed the convo out here it'd be like that, but you have to hear her say it. jacq is such a nut. (but yeah i adore her for that.) anyways if you know her you'll know what i mean. but yeah. i'm going to settle the it soon and put an to everything.

went out with cheng and crapped todae. there's this new neoprint shop in there so we took some shots. tomorrow we're going to chiong singapore and go shopping. whahahaahaha. can't wait. ring me for details girl.

shout outs.

cheng.
yeah had a good time today. hahahahahahaha. *casts shadowy looks* i still have that really OVERPOWERING temptation to reveal THAT to kiew. HARRY. ask me. then maybe.. whahahahaha.

Jare ni-chan.
well.ganbatte with your jap and stop being crude lahh alrights. in any case. we haven't talked much and i miss you loads, but anyways thanks for the advice(was it even considered as advice?) thanks.ARIGATOU.

Rona.(wahahaha.)
hee. anata mo ganbatte ne. (someday you'll understand don't worry.wahahaha)

Daddy.
thanks for helping me with my math. haha. keep in touch soon.

San Jie.
heyy. i know. TWO DAYS LEFT to what we've been ren-ing for ALL THIS WHILE. AJA AJA FIGHTING!

FAMILY.
I MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH PLEASE LET'S JUST HURRY AND HANG OUT SOON. OKAY? BA MEI NEEDS HER ATTENTION. HAHA.

well, that's it.
mk.

exams.

2005-09-26T20:11:00.000+08:00

okay. so i lied. i won't be blogging after the previous entre, but heck. arrest me. sue me.

haha. anyways. exams are on the platter. it's to be served. NEXT WEEK. i can't believe it. *grabs head* and it's already Monday. i can't believe it. did i say i can't believe it? oh my god i can't believe it. haha.

in any case. watashi ganbarimasu. mou chotto dakara. desho? FIGHTO! aja aja fighting!

by the way, Final Fantasy VII - Advent Children rox. whee. kuraudo! kyaa~! cho kakkoii.

forgive me, but i need to speak and apply more jap, for my test is coming up. bahh.

anyways. i shall work towards the chiong-ing session with my girls. and the ice-skating thing with kiew. and.. freedom. and of course. HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE. wait for me dan, emma and rupert. wahahahahahahahaha.

haiz. guess everyone's mugging. cramming. burning the midnight oil.studying.

wells ppl. tag if you've nothing better to do. and you just wasted 2 mins reading this crap.

oh screw.
mk.

this title won't show anyway.

2005-09-24T12:41:00.000+08:00

hey.

i'm going to try to make this entry as long as possible, filled with as much detail as i can, because i probably won't be blogging after this anymore, what with my end-years and the schedule that follows after. all i can say is, my mind's a whole mess now, and i've never felt more deprived and empty in this lifetime. i have to tear myself away for full house and harry potter for a month, and loads of stuff that i want to do, i'd have to abstain too.

preps for the exams are really mediocre, if not worse than that, i'm not a time management and organised person.and i seem to be forgetting things as soon as i take the words in. i should probably see a doctor.

how's everyone by the way. haha.

just wish the exams get over real soon. but seriously, i can't believe it's already a year. and we'll be grads 2006, it's a real wonder, but Jacqueline and i suspect there's something wrong with the Earth. bet it's spinning faster, and kor says the world wants us to grow up faster. no argument there.haha.i'm even starting to think where i'll end up when i'm dead.oh wells.

oh.and this might seem a little irrelavant, but i saved a kid.haha. serious.

he was all lost and he was screaming for "mummy! mummy!" so yeah, i took him home. sheesh. the parents should really keep a good eye on their kids. but all's good.

this week, i had time to think. yeah think. just sitting there in my chair while i was doing my work. because well. haha. i didn't really wanna confess that i was feeling a little left out in class, so i just sat there fantasisng about rain and song hae-gyo. wahaha. and just let my mind run free. (should i rephrase that? it sounded like my brain ran out if my head. shudder.) but because mum and kor were just talking and talking.. and i couldn't butt injust like that, becuase i didn't know what in the world they were talking about. it would seem rude. i tried anyway.. but well. guess they wanted a mother son quality time. oh and ben too. haha. but i'm cool, i'm not petty. things are good and they improved now, anyway.

i hope i pass my end-year well with flying colours. (when they say that, do they mean you're so happy it feels like there's fireworks above your head? i wonder. bah. metaphors.) in any case, i feel guilty for not putting in my best most of the time, and have only myself to blame when i start to regret what i did. but. aja aja fighting! hor yunzhen? and jacq. haha. fighting together.

oh oh. i'm really happy for Kor and Ronald. hee.brought them to Pyaess yesterday. they both signed up Japanese for ME! ya right. haha. kidding. they really did sign up though. but it's only because they had no skill for their nyaa. haha.can't wait to hear them speak. and i'm going to look forward to the time where we converse in jap. really. and guess what? Jospeh and Yunzhen's gonna join too, after the exams. the language school should give me a commission or something. i'm flooding it with my friends! haha. well. i just can't wait. Kiew Yuan has shown interest too. haha. so yeah. whee.

i'm going to drop some personal messages.

Cheng.
i really hope you'll overcome this difficult period, and become stronger. you know where o find and reach me when you need someone to walk through it with you. alrightts? you need to find your centre. then you'll find that it's easier to take things in your stride, and life'll be a better breeze then what you expect out of it. Let's hang out soon. okay?

Mira.
heyy.can't wait for harry potter too.it's really too bad can't watch it together, like we always do, but it's cool and i know we'll both love it loads and scream when we do watch it eventually. love and miss you loads.k?

Gabe.
talk and hang out soon. alright? good luck.

Kor.
Hey. hehe. really glad you took jap, i know i keep saying that but i really am happy, work hard. okay? try not to ogle too much at the teachers. -_-"

Da Ge Da.
hey. ditto to what i said to Jared.see above.

Da Jie Da.
ugh. it's like we haven't had a good talk these few days, but hee. glad you called yesterday, talked like the good friends we are. if you're getting stressed, take a latte and sing your heart out, um. only when you're alone.

Daddy.
hey! everone's like so busy nowadays. hehe. gotta hang out with the family once exams are over. okay? oh and daddy can we go ice-skating please? puhreeety please? please? ice-skating please! please? *shows sad eyes*

San Jie.
aja aja fighting! i know you must be feeling like what i'm feeling, cos we're both nuts for rain and song hae-gyo. right? haha. FULL HOUSE ROX. like, we're so going to motivate ourselves with our plan after the exams, and totally honour it once we're free. coolness sis?

Harry/Daniel/Kiew.
haha. you also ah. cannot go back on promise. i have to watch THE Harry Potter movie with Harry Potter himself at least once, if not i'll kill myself. haha. *screams* hee. it's like a total dream come true. whee. oh and get me something when you go Japan kay? it's like my ultimate favouritest bestest goodest country in the world, you can ask anyone. hehe.

Sue Ann.
happy to hear that the noth of you are so happy, we have to go shopping together someday yeah? i miss those times, just like you do.

Fairuz.
Happy Birthday Lah baka. although it's kinda late, but hee. belated.

Er Jie.
i'm sorry for abusing you forever.you're a really nice person to be around with. haha. but you need to heat/fire your jokes more, if not we'll freeze to death someday no joke.

Si Jie.
for a girl your size. you really are larger than life. oxymoron. bah. haha. wells. it was great fun.. seriously. look at yunzhen's message and fighting together okay? just wait till after exams. CHIONG AH!

Wu Jie.
you turtle and noisy noisy girl. you'll probably just SHATTER the cone of silence lah. haha. you're great fun, and really someone to have a good talk with.hehe. likr, rock on, and see yz's msg.the plan lah.

Peggy.
ditto. see above.

Liu kor kor.
not very close to you. but you're nice lah. haha. study hard lah kay? hang out soon.

WEE WEE.
always sleeping.haha.baby lah.haha. work hard okay? hang out soon.

amos.
let's hope all goes well with mrs sng. good luck fer your Os too!

to all councillors.
aonther year gone.. your dearest senors are getting old. haha. make sure you guys mantainthe standard kay? Jemimi. don't stress out too much. you're doing a great job. Claudia. haha. don't play too much lah. i getting too old. cannot play with you. haha. in any case. juniors. do great things. okay? good luck with your exmas and everything you do.

yep. exams are coming. must study hard.

then it'll be obs.whee.

and then holiday.

and then i won't want to think what happens next year.

haha.
peace out you guys.
mk.

oh the agony.

2005-09-21T17:49:00.000+08:00

hello. how's everyone?

i am so confused and having constant headaches about the exams and life and everything else. does stress get to me? OF COURSE IT DOES GET TO ME. i'm not that THICK around the head. i am so wishing i could pull forth to the time where it's after the papers and everything. bah. guess i'll suffer now then enjoy later lah.

did i tell you i hate my hair?

that aside, nothing is going well for me. i think i am so going to flunk my math tests, and my chemistry too, and now my physics. guess i am a nitwit, after all. why can't studies just be about talking and language? sheesh. okay.. i think i'll just walk through my thoughts.. first.. it's about... i forgot. aiyah. my memory is seriously failing me. maybe i should get a brain transplant. but if i do, my knowledge of japanese goes down the drain. snap. heck i'll take chances anyway, maybe i'll get a brain that's fluent in korean AND japanese. hahaha. but what if it's equally stupid?maybe worse? why am i even talking about this? this is nuts. guess i'm just feeling a little empty. a little lonely. a little empty. i said that already. never mind. i'll say it again. e m p t y. oh wells. guess i'll get over it. i am an optimist, after all.

i finally taught yunzhen the 3 bears song! san jie, we'll reign the school! ha ha ha.

nii-chan. i hate you sometimes you know. i really do. but you still sit there oblivious to everything. you're such a nut sometimes.

oh everything is a mess and i'm confused.

screw the world.
mk.

what is life, anyway?

2005-09-07T22:11:00.000+08:00

holla.

it's been a very mediocre and routineous holiday. no.. they should be called extended recess or something. it's been anything but a holiday this week. i am so feeling the mid-week blahs. well. i hope i do well and actually pass all my subjects this exam round, because you know. gives me a real good excuse to go Japan again. And i might have access to more stuff. like.. just more stuff. anyhu, the fact that i still cannot type my thoughts into words fustrates me. i think i'll need a notepad and pen with me all day round from now on, so i can scribble stuff down impromptu. (adriel, this is another reason why i worship you.i don't see how and where all those beautiful phrases and poems and words just come POURING out of you. joseph if you feel left out.. i'll say this with much reluctance: your vocab AMAZES me. glad i got that over and done with. *coughs*) how are you readers doing? better off than me i hope.. sigh. life is a bore when you know you can't mess around, though it's the hols. because that crucial exam period haunts you down and chills you to your very last bone, and.. judging from the time we have left. i'd have to force my nose into books even if i hate it.

if only every month was a november and december.

but hell no. i gotta get my butt into mass comm. and then master jap.. and the u.s.. and joseph(although i'm considering whether i should just go alone) yeah well. like jos says. LONG-TERM GO. gotta try that too.

have a nice day.
mk.

lazing round.

2005-09-01T14:29:00.000+08:00

chugio.

i am absolutely bored to tears. well. i'm at jos's house now.. stayed over with jacq, cheng, ger, sarah, kor, wee wee, and hong kiat.

and while i ws planning to type this in complete peace, joseph is right beside me now.. and have taken away the last strand of inspiration that was still lingering WEAKLY thru the waves of my brain. i gotta say thanks to you man. and he is correcting my grammar. well, it's MY BLOG. and now he's swearing a colourful rainbow. ah.. vulgarities. it's okay though, i have to improvise. and now hong kiat has appeared beside me, too. god. why can't i have MY PEACE? go away.

but like i said, i'll just treat thenm like they're transparencies.

hong kiat is being very irritating. and now fahmi and grace have popped out of nowhere, too! i am being childish and immature i think. whatever. but because i have nothing to type about, i might as well be reporting my surrounding situations to you guys.(jos is being very irritating, too). i think i'll stop here. pests are SWARMING.

out.
mk.

full house.

2005-08-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

i wonder how it must feel like to study abroad. not shabby i think. after all, having a cousin that just left for Harvard this morning is quite a blow. For one thing i really looked up to her.. and now she will be gone for 4 years. ahh. makes me want to work harder. though my academic standards will not exactly lead me to the same path as her.

so how's everyone doing? i've wanted to post entries loads of times, but there wasn't the slightest bit of space for me to stop and take in freedom. besides, i don't think i can express myself very well in words.. but bah. you just speak your mind. by the way, was nearly late for school today. was in tenterhooks.. i was pretty sure i would have jumped out of the car when there was this ridiculousy jammed traffic. but oh wells. i got there in the nick of time. really lucky. haha. gotta thank my dad.

so i also failed my most recent trigo test.. isabel got an amazing 39/40 while i got...11. haha. but there's another test tomorrow to make up for the lousy results that the class got.. so i guess i'm still happy happy joy joy...unless they come up with some mind-boggling questions. this term's ca was quite satisfactory for me because i think my grades were pulled up. but yeah yeah. i shouldn't be complacent. i'll continue to strive hard.

i wanna get out of this school soon. maybe the urge is a little too strong.. but i need a new taste already. fast forward all the hard times and just get on with life. new environment.. new place. have an absurd longing of being alone too. i wonder why. i hope i won't become to closed up.

oh japan. wherefore art thou japan? i wanna go there again so bad. ah. it just kills. MY FRIENDS ARE COMING WITH ME! evn if it means i have to resort to drastic measures. anyhu. exams are like round the corner. i hope i'll do well. like i said before. i have to want it bad enough to work for it. guess now's like the best time.

well.. so i guess that's it. full house. full house. prom night mo gambarimasu. ja minna.

untitled.

2005-08-17T17:34:00.000+08:00

okay. i updated this old thing. finally. hope the layout's good.

*sigh* it's really hard for me to blog. because now i find it harder and harder to express myself in words. but when i get the inspiration i'll let you know.

love,
mk.

want it bad enuogh to work for it.

2005-06-29T18:13:00.001+08:00

well.
ages since i actually blogged.

it's the third day of school. and now with braces.
alas, the price to pay for nice pearly whites. heck, i'l just get used to it soon.

how long more till the end-years come? oh dear. less than 9 weeks. i've got to work really really hard now, even if it means sitting upright and feigning interest in most of the lessons. think Japan and the u.s mk.you'll pull thru. ganbare. and again. i shall change myself for the better. i'll stop disliking myself TOO much.stop getting caught up with the unecessary.focus on my third language and studies more, and finally make my secondary school life worth my time.but seriously, i am just so sick of everything. i just wish everything would fast-forward in a blur, so i wouldn't know what i'm going thru.but *points to title* if i really want to achieve everything on my list, i'll have to want it bad enough and actually get down to work for it. how true can it be? it came from my cousin who currently just graduated from Raffles Junior College and scored A1s for all of her subjects, including amath which is her weakest, and is now preparing her trip to Harvard University for further studies in August. on the downside though, i can never achieve that. well. i could aim for something else lah.

oh the agony.
peace.
mk.

want it bad enuogh to work for it.

2005-06-29T18:13:00.000+08:00

H2~kimi to itahibi

2005-06-16T10:42:00.000+08:00

古賀春華.
koga haruka.

記憶の中の君は...　現在も.　優しく微笑ってる.

waai~ feeling so japanese-ish. must grab a hold of the language asap. so when i do get to go to japan next year i won't be so half-baked. -_-"

anyways. time seems to be passing so fast. like what jacq said, something must be wrong with the Earth. haha. another half a year.. and we're sec 4. that is if we all don't fail. wells. i know i'm going to try harder. i'd do anything to get meself into japan again. sherlyn would know lah. haha. hor? wahh.. i just wish time would somehow fast forward itself.i mean, since it already flies. yeah that sounds pathetic. but it's such a tedious route to journey on. and my English standard is deteoriating.

wait.this is all crap.CRAP.

GAH.

whatever.

mk.

sigh.

2005-06-11T16:48:00.000+08:00

apologies. i know i've not been updating, but heck. like anyone would give 2 hoots.

hah.i really am at the receving end of my misdeeds.i should not have laughed at my friends when they were with braces.or when they had to have extractions done.now it's my turn.shucks.have to pull out two.great.i'm going to be a bo gei.wahahahahahahaha.GODD.the oscar-winning smile they promise had better make me proud of my teeth.if not.i'll burn the ndc.haiz.but i guess there's no use worrying lah.

hols are blurry.each day just passes me by.nothing worth to squeal and make a huge deal out of.maybe it's because Bundit ain't around.something seems missing.like.it's just not as colourful around here.that's about to change soon.hahaha.

SO.how are you guys? not like i'm expecting an answer.it's just so darn boring here.

snap.i wish there was a better way to live my life.you know how they say."life is short, so live it to your fullest with no regrets." yeah. because like anna nalick's 'breathe', "life's like an hourglass glued to the table."

but for now i'll take a back seat.

love,
mk.

elections.

2005-05-16T20:05:00.000+08:00

today was elections. was real excited and nervous about it the whole time.haha.but it's over. i won't say much, but just so you know. i didn't get the position. i won't deny that i'm real disappointed, but i know if it was meant to be it will be. since it wasn't, i can only resign to fate.

anyway.here's my speech:

Hey you guys. A very good afternoon to the teachers as well. I’m mun kit from 3f and I’m running for the head of PD council.

As you know, bonding, unity… These words have been over-used, and we have been constantly reminded that these are one of the main objectives we should focus on and implemented into the council. Yet, whether we choose to ignore it or not, conflicts still arise, and we just don’t see everyone pass a greeting whenever they see each other, the seniors, juniors and peers alike. I’m not saying that this issue is completely hopeless, but it is more of an area of improvement I’d like to work on, for I’m really thankful for the progress of where this issue is leading to, as far as bonding and unity is concerned, because I’m 100% sure no one would be able to forget those strong emotions we were once overwhelmed with during the squeeze and spread activity, and the rest of what we experienced in council camp. And of course, I’m not only talking about the PD council, but the one student council we all, deep down, have a sense of belonging to.

For the PD council, I want to work towards a more active one. Don’t mistaken, this was probably one of the liveliest bunch I’ve worked with, but other than morning assembly duties, I don’t see many other activities the councilors are involved in, or any special event organized to have them get to know one another better. I will take this into hand, but I shall not divulge the details. Let’s just say I’ve got something up my sleeve.

I don’t know how many of you know of Waterboys, the Japanese film that has now inspired into 2 series, but those of you who do know about it, will know that these particular bunch of boys will absolutely and definitely overcome any hurdle set before them to realize their dream of setting up a synchronized swimming club, and finally, pull off the most amazing performance to show that they’re completely serious about the sport. I could relate to their every emotion, the tears, the joy, and drama. And although their task wasn’t easy, they never gave up. How I feel about this role is similar. I’m not really brilliant at expressing the way I feel about it, but I know I am determined, just like the boys, no matter how difficult, or tedious.

Your vote is not just a sticker to make me win. It can make a difference, and I’ll make it happen.

Thank you.

I think the impact i once made faded. It doesn't work as well now. but i'm trying real hard to be better, and i'll work on improving myself.

so that concludes the elections. oh. here's a few hollars to some ppl.

Jos.

heyy.really.thanks for being there todae.it was a little hard for me, but it's really heart-waarming to know that i have people like you to turn to when the going gets tough.or when i simply need a shoulder.it makes the problem seem a little less significant.thanks.love ya.

zhen/chloe.

hey.thanks too.you're like a second mum, and not only to me but the ppl around you.really appreciate the little things that you do.even if they seem in a tiny scale, they mean the wrold to me, and no one can change that.

sue.

hey.i guess i owe you a 'sorry'. i should just keep the question about the way you react when friends want to talk to you about something, and i guess to some extent it's for my own good as well.so, sorry. you probably have your own reasons, and i can't doubt your friendship, because you're one of those people i know i'd cherish fer life. thanks. for always being there.

kor.

congrats. today was your breakthrough, and you proved to be more than what most expected you to be. looks like we'll be working along each other more often as of now. jia you ba.

ronald.

you too. really proud of you.

bun.

i am absolutely happy for you.proud too.i won't ask you to give your best, because i know if you're told to give your 100%, you'll give 200 instead. great job. you've really proven yourself, and i'm sure you'll have the best partnership, now that you and jos are the creme of the crop. work hard.and smart.

yep.that was it. sigh. i guess i'll need some time to get over what's happening.but i'm an optimist. nothing can bring me down, at least not forever. and i'll be happy happy joy joy about it soon enough. so for those mentioned above. this song dedicated to you. 'I turn to you' by x-tina aguilera.

'I Turn To You'

When I'm lost, in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light, to light my way.
When I'm scared, losing ground
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around. (yes)

And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm
For a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong
For the will to carry on
For everything you do
For everything that's true,
I turn to you. (oooo yeah)

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach to you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing
'Cause your love inspires me.

And when I need a friend, you're always on my side
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a shield (For a shield) from the storm; (from the storm)
For a friend, for a love (for a love to keep me safe and warm)
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you. (I turn to you)
For the strength (for the strength) to be strong;
For the will to carry on
For everything you do
I turn to you. (ooo yeah oohhh)

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain
For truth that will never chang
For someone to lean on
For a heart I can rely on through anything
For that one who I can run to(oooooo) (I turn to you oooooo yeah)

For a shield from the storm
For a friend; for a love (to keep me safe a warm yeah yeah, I turn to you)
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you. (I turn to you)
For the strength (for the strength) to be strong
For the will to carry on
For everything you do (everything you do)
For everything that's true
For everything you do
For everything that's true,

For everything you do
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

and by the way, i didn't know som ppl could be so hypcritical. one minute they are complimenting you and being such a good friend, the other they just go ranting about the bad stuff about you. dog-eat-dog world eh. i just don't get it.but whatever.

bailed.enough.
mk

happy bdae mk.

2005-05-11T22:33:00.000+08:00

whee.i'm 15! happy bdae mk.

so anyways, went to jos's house for cheer. met bernie, ronald, shawn and sarah to go together. they DID NOT mention anything. like. i thought they forgot or something. dao me. so i just you know. let it go.

until.you know. sue ann came and told me he broke up with her.. and i was all sad for her.comforted her and just asked her to cry if she wanted to.and then we went to the balcony. and.what do you know.JUST as i was thinking."HAHA.GREAT.EVERYONE IS INSIDE.i just gotta lock them in." i got sprayed.ALL over.PINK foam ribbon stuff.courtesy of jos.(thanks ah jos.you banana shirt boy.) sigh.i was just really really touched and all.they decorated the balcony wall for me with their messages and sang me the birthday song. ahaa.it's real different when you they catch you off-guard.thanks guys. i really really appreciate it.presents or no presents.the moments and the memory was priceless.credits to cheng and sue and jos and everyone.

haha.so it was real cool.love you guys.wheee~

i'm bailing.
mk

i'm FIFTEEN! scraps.now i feel more pek cek.not here not there.still another year plus b4 i have access to nc-16 shows.but i'm older!hahahahahaha.

exams.owari.

2005-05-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

went to look fer mr chia todae.he's an angel.was so nice.so i found out i got 30+ for math on overall.hm.i better organise and put in all my worksheets to get a few more marks.oh wells. todae was the last paper, and that was it for mid-year.to a normal student, he or she would go:WHEEEEEEEE!and run out of the classroom and just go catch a movie or something.after the paper ended, the happiness and relief did get to me, but i just felt like i didn't deserve the freedom, or the coming hols for that matter, when my results suck SO bad.but really.i could have hit myself for smiling and being cranky in the end when i realised that was it for studying.for now anyway.i am JUST so DOWN on myself on that point.ugh.and i really do plan to study during the hols honest.but i know i'll just be back to square one and cut some major slack anyway.sigh.life is so hard.

but i'll try.and i will buck up.mr chia says i still have hope, and that i shouldn't give up(this is where my new pet phrase goes to:giving up isn't an option.it's a choice) which i won't, because i'm proud to say i'm an optimist.and giving up is the last thing i would ever do. but the mid-years are over, and i can't do anything to salvag what i've done. guess all i have to do is look forward.

but still.i don't think i'll be in the mood for my bdae tomorrow.i'm so glad i'm not throwing some party. not that i do, anyway.ha.

bailed.
mk

giving up is not an option.it's a choice.

2005-05-09T17:44:00.000+08:00

(one of) the darkest hours of my life.

today i found out that i have failed math.big shocker there.but i haven't felt this terrible in my whole life.i guess it would have gotten to me one way or another.i was talking to yunzhen just a while ago and i felt a tad bit better after our conversation.so credits to you gal.and then somehow all these things kept lurking in my head.forcing me to think them through.and they just won't back off until i resolve it.like.ok.the results of my academic standards.you know.it just.ugh.i just wish sometimes i would have put half of the enthusiasm from the things i love into my studies.and even now there's this great desire and motivation to come up with a systematic manner to make sure i do keep to the schedule, but who am i kidding.i'm me.i'll just wind back up on the same path i'm on now.and it's like ANYTHING but good.so it's really.i can't guarantee, no matter how much i want to, and that fustrates me.and how i'm being a councillor and all.i'm up for election as head.and to the extent.turned down the vice and presidency positions so that i can focus well on my studies.but it looks like mr kwok won't be convinced.or any of the teachers for that matter.and it just feels sucky not to be an all-rounder when so many people pin such high hopes on you.i'm not bragging.but i guess it's that way.and especially since you're supposed to be the role model to the students on campus.really. it can feel real crummy sometimes.it's all crud.

bailed.screwed.blank.drained.
mk

whoop.

2005-05-08T12:07:00.000+08:00

today's mother's day. i spent last night doing this letter/card for mum and i bought her this cute tortoise.(jos.it ain't real.wahaha.) she really appreciated it, so that's cool.

here i am again. lazing.i should be mugging.godd.i'm hopeless.whatever. i'll get over it. so my mind's been whizzing like there's no tomorrow. so many thoughts and stuff. you know. i guess that's just part of trying to understand what in the world we put ourselves thru. and the life we have. human nature i guess. but i guess things are so much more clearer now, and i just don't ask those lame questions like i do in the past anymore.what kind of questions? me to know.

nothing that interesting is shaking up(mira's term). i mean. other than coming wednesday, but it feels ordinary too. you just don't feel too psyched up about the candles on your cake anymore. boy oh boy. something is wrong with me.i'm feeling anticlimatic these days. i don't seem to be putting my best efforts in anything. real bleah. but i'm honestly enthusiastic about the coming cheer and prom preps. so i hope that both of these work out well.

i really have to say Bundit's doing a fantastic job as the in charge.^_^ good eh mate? real proud of ye.

anyways.study and exam hell is ending real soon. buck up everyone.lotsa luck.study smart.

bailed.
mk

eikichi to shiori to yosuke to seichi to gan-chan to hideki!

2005-05-07T20:39:00.000+08:00

ok. guilty as of charged. i have not been blogging for so long. but heck. i don't really care. so anyways. exam week is over soon and the only thing i'm fretting over is my math. but then again, i'm not a number person, so sue me. sighh. lately everything that happened was a great big blur. maiinichi ga.nijinda yoake.ne.

scraps.

i get so caught up with all the thoughts in my head. and then put myself into deep.deep ponders. and i get nothing out of it. oh life is miserable. like. being a teen/adult. things were so much easier and simpler when i was still sucking my thumb watching barney and sesame street. life changes i guess. so i just got myself soaked in the two mainstream sources of entertainment currently. and for sure, it would HAVE to be waterboys 2. i mean come on. which girl wouldn't want to see 5 absolute ultra cute guys in their swim trunks and gear doing synchro swimming? or dozens for that matter. besides. i get to improve my Jap along the way. and believe me. they're really hilarious. so for those who hate Jap culture and everything about it? you've got another thing coming. you just SO don't know what you're missing. *heaves a huge sigh* i am SO into the show.and.. Eikichi-kun! ah chigau. bucho. da yo ne. minna mo! for the guys. well they've got several cute girls. *winks* go watch it. you'll probably have the urge to do synchro.

so the other source is this book Yunzhen graciously lent me. it's called diary of a teenage girl - Catilin O' Conner. it's about a girl 15, who just turned 16.. and well. let's just say she's going through a whole mess. but it's a good read. really heart-warming. oh and just a message to Sher. you'll love the book. kinda reminded me of you when i read the book. the character i mean. not the whole dating part though. rather the mode of thinking. but i dunno. you'll have to read youself. ^_^

so yeah. i'm real excited about the coming hols. lots of stuff to do. oh.the election. speech.cheer.prom.homework.blah.hopefully sue and i can pull the sentosa retreat off. i need a good.relaxing.stress-free.break.bah.i feel so bleak and wasted.not that i do alcohol or anything like that. just sort of emotionally drunk.wahaha. yeah.whatever.

new word i've learnt today: oxymoron. you know. the kind of term used on words or phrases that contradicts each other. like a tidy pig. or an honest poltician. cool huh.

i'm bailing,
mk

it's only love.

2005-04-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

what do you call that emotion or whatnot when you have a strong desire for something? and you know you can't have it.but you went ahead and fought against your rights anyway.even if it was wrong.

she stood.
her hand reaches out.
raindrops descended from the clouds.
a sign from the heavens.

geez.

i don't get it.
there seems to be kind of an order in the universe.the movement of the stars.the turning of the earth.the changing of seasons.but the human life is almost pure chaos.every one takes his stance.exerts his own rights and feelings.taking the moments of others.and his own.
a cycle?

so why does so many try to perceive the true meaning of life? it's a simple word.every human goes through.deep.profound.no one understands.yet it is so pure.so real.reality.aha.many a times we look for ways to avoid it.run away from it.but in the end.it's like a boomerang that comes back.hitting you.no matter how far you throw it.geez.

my head felt clear for awhile after i recovered.now i'm all woozy again.short-lived hapiness you can call it i guess.

so.i got a new phone.sigh.not a flip phone.sony ericsson.geez.

i'm a girl with the mood.live with it.

love,
::mk::

obsession.

2005-04-09T12:29:00.000+08:00

decided. that i'm sorry. i can't do it. forget.

yesterday was the volleyball state championships. B division boys won. whoop. expected. and felt really happy for them. the only negative side is my sore throat. bah. anyways. it was really sweet of them to bow to us. wahaha. they seem almost royal sometimes. but anyways. it's cool. volleyball eh.

love,
::mk::

ain't no queen of hearts.

2005-04-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

well.

this week seems like a real blur.and i'm feeling guilty because i have not done some serious studying anytime this week.geez.oh wells.slack week i'll call it.then it'll be back to hard core books and worms. wahaha. get it? books? worms? bookworm.rightt.never mind. oh rat snacks. eng paper 1 is in 2 weeks. and i'm supposed to BEAT driels by then? HAH. yea right. i shall concede. oh well. i'll just do what i can lah.

so this is realleh one blurry week. the rain functions as a backdrop to the already blur and dreamy mood. sigh. if only i was more expressive. do you know how pathetic i am? i am currently copying the words of the day of 3C whenever i can. and haru dear here is actually kind enough to let me borrow his phrase book. all this for what? improving my english. no A1. no u.s. no ngee ann.no mass comm.simple actually.

oh i am but a pitiable soul.i had better reap what i sow.whatever that means.argh.

s-oooo. i guess i don't really have anything much. just hung out with kor, jos bun and sarah todae. bought them ALL drinks. i didn't know what got into me. i just said. "i feel like treating. i'll buy you all drinks lah." and i foolishly did so. oh wells. kind me. their turn next time lah.

soo. fun day. had fun. so yeah.

shout outs:

bun: see. you came first into my mind this time. haha. had a really great time. enjoyed your zapple? lolx.

kor: you seemed depressed. are you sure you're ok? whatever it is i'm here for you alright? cheer up. mann. can't get over the fact you're such a girl magnet. whoop. wahahahahas.

jos: yo. whee. had loads of fun. sorry you couldn't find your mirror. well. it is a WEIRD item.

sarah: had fun girl? enjoyed yer milo? ahaha. laughed abt the stupid rabbits.

driels: mann. can't labu you enuff. your english at least. you so rock my world.(most of it anyway.)haha. thanks so much for the help. take care of your cold too.

peace.

ain't no queen of hearts.

love,
::mk::

hbp.whee~

2005-04-05T20:55:00.000+08:00

ok. todae is significant.

it's OFFICIAL.

i PRE-ORDERED the SIXTH BOOK of HARRY POTTER. HALF-BLOOD PRINCE.

i am TOO ecstatic to type anything now.

;lhhgdkdg;dhHARRYPOTTERANDTHEHALFBLOODPRINCEjkghdjkhrgjjf.gg,

love,
::mk::

shucks.

2005-04-04T18:50:00.000+08:00

well. so here we are. damn. i wanted to post this yesterday, but in the end. i clicked refresh and everything went blank. geez. so here was what i wanted to say.

a few messages to the following.

driels.

wahaha. glad you saw the brighter side. don't worry about some game lah, you're still my idol. and many others' too. take care of that cold alrightts? bless you.

Jos.

ok.i know this reply/reaction is real laggy, but um. haha. i just really wanted to say that your little message meant a huge deal to me. we'll get there jos. we'll drag each other if we have to. trl, get 2 more mics. cos the hottest hosts are coming your way.love ya. wahaha.

kor.

holla back when you wanna get your precious globe shoes. we'll go together. with bun and jos. the usual. i wanna get shoes too. wahas. love ya. oh. i STILL want that name tag. hmph.

shuey.

damn.*in popular barbie bitchy voice* we have sooooooooooo not been like communicating bee-yatch. oh my godd. i sound like ben loh. *gasps* wahaha. holla back an we'll chill out some time. need to do some research on Prom too. call hsm and some others lah. then we'll catch a movie or something.love and miss you.loads.

cheng.

heyya girl. hope you're doing ok coping with the asthma and cold and all. please take LOTS of water and take good care of yourself alrighty? *smiles*

yun zhen.

yay. finally found someone as EXCITED as i am! wheee~. we're gonna have so much fun. love ya to bits girl.

sarah.

girl. thanks fer showing me around Lavender and fer the great time we had todae. thanks. hang out some time soon?

jacintha.

waha.you're so cute. got to know you a little better. hope we can hang more. take care of that flu yeah.

bun.

whee.you're the last person i'd mention but not the least. duh. hey. thanks for being there. period. had loads of fun with you. hang out soon kays. love ya.

so ya. that was it. oh wells. todae i went out with sarah. she had to get her ic made, so went lavender then walked around the concourse. wahaha. first time. so fun. the place was practically empty. population 20. hees. yepps.

i'm feeling all tweaked up again because i didn't see mr kwok todae. which means i have to wait for another day to pass before i can receive his feedback on my proposal. had poa remedial see. by the time i went round to look for him. he was in some meeting with ms tan. crap. geez. now i have to start feeling all nervous again. tomorrow's gm. ahhha. there goes my precious sleep. a bit tweaked about that too. bleah. and then i can't find anyone to watch Swing Girls with me. tomorrow's the only day of this week i'm free. ugh. then i have to see mr kwok. oh adriel. can i start using 'gah'? it's really the only sound word. or whatever you call it that describes my fustrations. geez.

oh the world.is but an unfair trial.for now at least.

love,
::mk::

rested.

2005-03-28T16:35:00.000+08:00

wells.damn you idiot.just shut up.

ugh.
::mk::

2005-03-27T16:48:00.000+08:00

the Swing Girls! without the guy. whee.
::love this pic::

lalala.

2005-03-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

did i tell you lads i watched the Japanese film Swing Girls? If i didn't, now you know. whoppee. ichiban! sono eiiga. kya~! saiko!

so.if you're a HUGE Water Boys fan. you'll love it cos the film was directed by the same director. Water Boys.Swing Girls. you get the drift. wahaha. go watch it. 4.5/5 rating. hee. just for a short summary.the film is about 4 girls and a guy who beats the odds to form their Yamakawa High School Big Band. wahaha. it's like one of the best comedy out there.so you know.if i'm boring you and you're losing interest. guys: lots of chiobus.in short skirts.watch out. girls: a cute guy.hey.better than nothing.right?wahaha.

anyways.

it's the last day of hols.weekend.ugh.

read the latest entre on driel's blog. damn he's such a good writer.*turns green* oh wells. haha.

ugh.tired.

highlight to see words below.
...............>would you all say yes to a prom?

love,
::mk::

kya~ peyton!

2005-03-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

took a quiz on:

Which One Tree Hill Girl Are You?

Your Score = YOU'RE PEYTON!

You'd rather be different than follow everyone else. That's why you love shopping at vintage stores, listening to new music, and renting classic movies rather than heading to see the latest releases. Your friends love you for your uniqueness and value your steadfast friendship. You're passionate about everything you do -- sometimes too passionate -- but no one will ever accuse you of not giving it your all.

kya~! peyton! whoopee!

love,
::mk::

driel.again.

2005-03-26T19:56:00.000+08:00

ok.couldn't resist.driel.your works are off the racks.they are H O T.but you already know that.wahaha.

ACTORS.

is all the world a stage?

is that all it is?

are we all merely actors?

do some people act better than others?

does that mean we live in false reality, a paradox in itself.

perceived reality that is.

what false that we think is real.

is life a facade?

does everyone wear a mask?

what about concepts of trust,truth and love?

is suspicion,lies and hate required to balance the equation?

what is real?

who is false?

is there pure friendship?

without betrayal that is..perhaps not.

someone once said :"behind every great fortune there is a crime."

can the same be said for friendships?

do we say :"behind every great friendship there was a LIE?"

do we act out elborate shows?

to present a front,the front we wish to portray?

at the end of the play,do we pet ourselves and say "good show?"

are we even true to ourselves?

do we act?

or do we REACT to people?

is it action or reaction?

being nice to people we like,mean to those we dont.

thats reaction.

or are we nice to people who have the power to further our postions?

that would be an act.

falsehood.

little lies, white lies.

harmless enough.

but it never ends there does it?

what is truth?

reality?

presenting the matter as it is?

telling only what benefits you?

what are lies?

is lying to HELP wrong?

but is it really possible.

is there not secret agendas and selfish motives behind it all?

what is YOUR motive?

is there AN answer?

is there THE correct answer?

but,who are we to judge?

we who are individually actors of this draggy play called LIFE.

finally, it is the audience that judges.

do they stand in jubilant ovation,cheering at your good form?

OR.

do they silently stand to leave,

giving you that look which tells you that your pretense was seen thru easily.

which?

take a bow.

the night is over.

this masquerading's..

getting older.

curtains fall.

lights go off.

ur shows over.

wheee.adriel adriel.^_^

love,
::mk::

DRIEL

2005-03-26T15:59:00.000+08:00

perhaps..when what you're feeling no words can express..silence may just say it all.stop trying to say what can't be said..words are but words,void of meaning and empty..you say it best.

i got that from adriel's blog.i am so engrossed in his writing now.entries.testimonials and all.you rock.i'm his fan!lolx.don't take this the wrong way driel.just that the phrase you typed out in your archive relates to how i've been feeling in the recent.so credit goes to the one and only you.thanks.

so.this is life.

bleah.

if only words can perceive the complexity of it all.then actions would be of no meaning.snap.that won't be good either.

go to hell.

l i f e.a simple four letter word no one comprehends. and yet we live the majority of it in mental perdition.lies and whatnot.geez.

todae.slacked.whee.don't really care.there's still Sunday.right? just one more day.24 hrs.poof.school.again.ughh.i don't know.i used to ENJOY it.way back in 2003&4.but now.it really really.explains the meaning of nasty.the cherry on top of a NEW year.cheers.not.bah.well driel.will continue to TRY and beat you.you might be surprised.or not.

lonliness is always looking for a friend.
it found me once.
and has been around since then.

love,
::mk::

wrap my words around you.

2005-03-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

wrap my words around you. whopee. new song. so damn nice. hor shuey?

lolx.went out with shuey after sch todae.piangg.see too much of your face todae leh. how? later i become TUPID also lehh.haix.worry about that later.haha.our outfits were of total clash.*shakes head and rolls eyes*haha.next time you dress like that.call dy along lor.so your good sense of dressing won't go ta waste.lolx.hee.we went around orchard crapping.hehe.BOUGHT fantabulous POCKY bags! CHOC and BERRY.haha.whee.yay.aw mann.shuey.you have no damned idea how happy i was when you said you'd go fer koala only after your Os.whopee! haha.will intro you to my bestie kays? we're gonna have fun fun fun. oh btw, plan the stuff fer June.hee.i'll help kays.

so anyways.here are the lyrics.haha.

'wrap my words around you' by daniel bedingfield

is it fair to write a song to a woman
is it fair to play to try to win her heart
is it right to bring her sonnets in the morning-time
to express the first few longings when they start
to express the first few longings when they start
is it right to let her feelings rise to catch you
is it ok when her heart begins to fall
would you blame me if I wrap my words around you girl
would I wrong you to say anything at all
would I wrong you to say anything at all

but if I wrap my words around you
wrap my words around you
if I wrap my words around you
would you stay, would you stay, would you
wrap my words around you
wrap my words around you
if I wrap my words around you
would you stay, would it play with your heart

am I a hunter if I send poems to please you
am I a cad if I mean everything I say
should I even let you know this song’s about you girl
just because I want to see you smile today
and my words may bind you to me much too tightly
and you may choke upon them if we fall apart
it’s not fair to write a song to a woman, no
because a woman takes a song into her heart
because a woman takes a song into her heart

so let me wrap my words around you
wrap my words around you
wrap my words around you
till you stay, till you stay, let me
wrap my words around you
wrap my words around you
darling, wrap my words around you
till you stay, would it play with your heart

ahh.i have no idea what has come over me.but for one thing.something lifted up and left me.good or bad?felt good.seemed wrong.tupid?think not.oh wells.wrap my words around you.

love,
::mk::

do you know i cry?

2005-03-22T19:35:00.001+08:00

'the good kind' by the wreckers

"Do you wanna run away together?"
i would say it was your best line ever
too bad I fell for it
and I walked alone
waiting for you to come along
take my tortured heart by the hand
and write me off

do you know I cry?
do you know I die?
do you know I cry?
and it's not the good kind

oh, you forced me to become strong
when I just cried, being weak
and you think you know
and I would like to think so
but do you know that when you go
i fall apart

do you know I cry?
do you know I die?
do you know I cry?
and it's not the good kind
no, it's not the good kind

i'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes
i'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize

do you know I cry?
do you know I die?
do you know I cry?
and it's not the good kind

do you know I cry?
do you know I die?
do you know I cry?
and it's not the good kind
no, you're not the good kind
good kind
no, you're not the good kind
good kind
no, you're not the good kind

do you know i cry?

2005-03-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

tired.

2005-03-21T21:42:00.001+08:00

i'm so tired.of everything.i wanna hurl.and i wanna die.and i wanna cry.and i just wanna.dude.this life officially gets the s u c k y treatment.i don't know what i did to deserve this.i just.. can't break free. mental shutdown or something.whatever.i get these annoying highs and lows in this miserable life. and i can't absorb everything.my surroundings seem so negative.and i never wanted to go away.more than ever before.there's no one there to talk to.even if i try to.. the words don't find it's way out of this terribly huge piehole of mine. like they got lost on their quest or something.bad description.ugh.there are so many things i wanna get out of my head.i'm afraid to though. everyday is but a slow blur. oh.just let me die already.sheesh.

no.1.i dislike you now. please make a good guess at what you've done.oh wait. i'm sorry.i forgot who you are.you won't realise.
n0.2.i don't hate you.it's a burden.but i guess it's over and out.good luck.
no.3.at least you found all those efforts of mine worthwhile.please.just get off my back.
no.4.you.just shut up.don't make me send evil vibes.you'll hate it.i promise.
no.5.i am a wreck and i have nothing left in the whole entire world.

i am a serious nutcase with ISSUES.

tired.

2005-03-21T21:42:00.000+08:00

one tree hill

2005-03-20T18:08:00.000+08:00

so..school's starting so soon. technically.TOMORROW! mann. didn't even get to enjoy properly. it's been work and camp. and a little bit of play. haha. oh wells. what is it with camps this year? i have another one in June and August. that would be FOUR in total. which is a lot. haha. June. one month holiday. please come soon. the thing about camps is.. you have fun during that period of time. but you still get home sick and think i wanna go home. but in the end, you wish you didn't because the pressure of reality just pulls you down and drills you into the ground. like quicksand.and it slams you in the face, without warning. how crappy and screwed can it get.

pressure.like..how bubs brood on the what happened-s.and no amt. of advice helps. and everything else like how PEOPLE, SUPPOSEDLY labelled as FRIENDS in MY vocab book FIND the ABSOLUTE JOY in STABBING MY SCREWED ASS.whee! i hope you know who you guys is. congrats! you found a fave past time in being a sadist.
what will happen tomorrow? i wish i knew. hmm. homework? SO not done.what am i going to do? i HATE this. ok. so instead of doing it now.. i'm blogging. ugh.. i've been slugging my guts out the past 6 hours. give me strength. UGH. i wanna HURL so bad.

damn it.
::mk::

maybe tomorrow.

2005-03-16T19:31:00.000+08:00

back from council camp and apparently i am the fave of all sand flies.damn it. hee. i think i'm the first to blog about the camp... it's going to be one LOOOONNNGGG entre.. so if not interested, get out.

arrived at campsite 14th march.
lugged our heavy bags to some old um.hut? met our instructors..Jeremy was my group's. we named ourselves SMURF.hahaa. consisted of bun.me.germaine.jacintha.ben tan.kai chin.sam tan.carmela.rhyss.eun hee.reuben.vinod.karthig.jerrold.mark.evangeline.louisa.SO.we did cheers.. haha. i'll type this out.

SMURF TRADEMARK CHEER
we say smurf no.1
don't believe very chaam

what say you say, i say
what say you say, i say

you say smurf no.2
we all say you kuku

what say you say, i say
what say you say, i say

smurf,smurf no.1
smurf,smurf is the best

what say you say, i say
what say you say, i say
what say you say, i say

SAAAAT!

lolx. cool right. love it to bits. so we did a very nice flag too. but it drowned while we rafted across the water.elaborate later.. hmm.so we checked in to this huge enclosed area.girls and guys seperated.duh. and we slept on some sandy safari beds. it's a foldable thing. ok lah.. quite sturdy.missed my bed immediately.oh wells.so after that we all geared up for a tour of Sentosa by playing the amazing race! haha. super farnie. had loads of good fun with our group.had to find clues and do road blocks along the way. so first we had to find lost civilisation city. count the piggy bank eyes.(you will only know what i mean if you get there to see fer yourself.haha) and decorate our faces! haha. commando stripes fer 8 ppl. yep.was one of em. then find some rock with a hole in it in Sentosa orchid garden.guess what the clue was to find the orchid garden place? "the boy was smarter than his dad" see if you can figure that out. i did. haha. ok so. after that had to go to the beach for some stuff.. and count the no. of planks on this bridge. haha. 434.
then we had to rush back.. so we had to disturb this 2 uncles who were sleeping for a lift. haha. they were so kind. gave us a lift.hee. squeezed all 17 of us in. (jerrold and bin bin came in the 2nd day) was in a need for speed! group 4. kor's group. hitched a ride too.. haha. kept screaming and screaming. comical.seriously. but we won in the end! whoo hoo!! oh um. the food there is terrible.ugh. after the race was dinner. so we just well. ate. haha. night activity after that. it was a game called kidnap. you get the pic. shan't elaborate. so after that it was just sleep and bathe. hee. most girls got bitten in the face by bugs. i DIDN'T. i can't believe it. sue ann. hahahahaha. and please. keep your leg to yourself.LOLx. slept fairly well.. washed up. day 2.

mann. we all couldn't wait to get down to the beach.. the breeze was wonderful and the water looked great. can't wait to feel it. know? haha. so we all had to bring a new set of clothes. and stuff.. coz we would spend the whole day down by the beach.whee! so we did rafting. team-building activity.. and it was great. fun! it was a relay race. involved tying of the poles to the floats, and we had to paddle across. haha. well. that's when our flag drowned. lost. forever. WAHH.it was a SO damn nice flag lors. damn. all hard work down. sigh. after that.. we had lunch. best meal so far of all the others.bleah. wee kwang. you go 2 stomachs to feed is it? you are ALWAYS that hungry. gerry too. haha.ok. this is the extreme point. the instructors became so gloomy.. you'd think it pour on you and rain.even though the sun is blazing right on your face. they seemed unreasonable.and i got so confused.i got so bloody irritated. we were to walk down to Tanjong beach for our next scheduled activity. and the camp chief called for the uniform group.after that.briefed us. said we were to do drill practice. learn 4 commands. i really am puzzled. don't know what they were doing. just learnt. then. gathered the whole lot after we were done practicing in our groups. kept doing the 4 commands, just kept doing.and doing.in the stupid heat and they splashed water. freak. salt water and sweat altogether went into my freaking eyes. i couldn't do anything.right? must TIAM. i just didn't know what was that all about. started to hate the instuctors. they just ugh. got so f-ed up.then chief asked us to squeeze. just simply. squeeze. no further instructions or anything. we didn't know what to do. we just huddled together. and we got pulled out. i was so damn annoyed by then. then the next round, i got pulled out. again. same like the rest. and one look at their faces. i knew they all felt the same way i did. angry and upset. the 3rd round. i saw the remaining girls.. and the guys. they interlocked their arms.then i understood. we were to hold on.no one was to be pulled away. we made a circle.somewhat. and just held on tightly. everything was just so intense. girls. many of them were crying. even some of the guys. and despite the hurt and aching i was feeling everywhere.. including my mind.. i went numb. because. i still didn't know what the objectives were. to me. on first impression. it was just some cruel game. ppl were pushed down here and there. i was like. what the hell were they doing? pushing our friends down and hurting them like that. i caught a glimpse of the guys. they too. looked so fierce, yet so together. and um. haha. Gerry was pulled from his legs.. so his feet were off the floor, into the air. some instructor pulled him. but he just held on.hee.looked tough. and in the end.. they all pushed the instuctors to the water.. some fell. and some surrounded. whoa. even the strongest ppl were on the verge of breakdown. but i didn't want to cry.call me delirious.but i wanted to remain strong for those that felt weak and were crying their poor selves out. everyone felt so angry. but at that point. you just don't need anyone to tell you what was it all about anymore. it's a clear, common and over-used word.unity. and it really touched the councillors there.in little and different scenarios in each part of that big group at the same time. we were put through something physical.an enactment of the problems that lingered in the council.from cracks to gaps.from gaps to conflicts. it was harsh. because really. everyone was just plain annoyed at that time.many got hurt here and there, and we felt upset. but we told each other to hang on to one another. and just hold on. and not let go. we succeeded. it's something ddep. and something more than words can express. but if you picture this whole thing. you'll feel the intensity. at least i hope you do.

after that, everything just fell into place and lightened up. played captain's ball. with a real chicken. dead.and so raw. poor gerry.(sorry lah brudder. you just happen to be in the limelight every single time. haha. can't help noticing lah ya? haha.)he prepared to catch it.. thinking it was just some toy. but when he caught it.. his thumb went into the chicken's ass.HAHA. shouted and just threw it back in the air after he knew what he was dealing with. a real dead chicken. lolx. some girl darted across and just took it. haa. oi. make some sacrifices lah. haha.so then the game ended. bath time. forgot to bring essentials. went back with shuey first. haha. then it was dinner. then campfire! rehearsed our item. danced to the groovy tunes of that thing you do by the wonders and cheered our cheers! haha. did couple dance.hee. sue ann's group was the best! haha. really cute. SCORE! you guys go. group 2. then the others were dance itmes too. hee. all were cute. and then. haha. we sang 100 years by five for fighting and other songs. so we were all happy-wappy. we even took the LAST monorail ride ever. as in. LAST. we found out that they were going to dismantle the tracks and replace the monorail with something faster, like lrt. so it was sad. so guys. we were so damn lucky. occupied the WHOLE thing. haha. had lotsa fun looking out at the night view of Sentosa.haha.whee! so went back to wash up and sleep. and 3rd day. just did area cleaning. RGS girls took over the place and we were off! haha. so here i am. whee. home. TANNED. WHEE.

council.i labu you.
::mk::

breathe.

2005-03-13T16:07:00.000+08:00

whoopee! i just added this cool song to my blog. so turn up all yer speakers! haha. it's 'breathe(2am)' by anna nalick. and here are the lyrics.

'breathe(2am)' anna nalick
2 AM and she calls me cause I'm still awake
can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
i don't love him ~ winter just wasn't my season.
yeah we walk through the doors so accusing their eyes
like they have any right at all to criticize
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason.

cause you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
no one can find the rewind button girl
so just cradle your head in your hands.
and breathe, just breathe, whoa breathe, just breathe

may he turned 21 on the base of Fort Bliss
"just a day." he said down to the flask in his fist
ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
here in town you can tell he's been down for while
but my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
wanna hold him maybe I'll just sing about it

cause you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
no one can find the rewind button boys so cradle your head in your hands
and breathe, just breathe, whoa breath just breathe

there's a light at each end of this tunnel
you shout cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
and these mistakes you've made
you'll just make them again if you'll only try turnin' around

2 AM and I'm still awake writing this song
if i get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me
threatening the life it belongs to.
and I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
cause these words are my diary screamin' out aloud
and I know that you'll use them however you want to.

but you can't jump the track
we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table,
no one can find the rewind button now
sing it if you understand...and breathe
just breathe, oh oh breathe.

there you go. haha. i'm really getting sick of it. sue ann, bet you are too yeah? bubs. oh well. i am so freakin' shocked. and it might seem like a flattering thing because. well. you are doing everything to make amends so things can be like they were before, but it takes so much more than um. try to affect someone else. i don't care.

there's camp tmr. so i won't be around for another 3 days. i'm praying it'll be fun, but mann. i think it'll be a plus if it was just our level. haiz. oh btw, shuey.. thanks fer your testi. haha. hope you liked mine too. haha. erm. i'm just gonna get stuck in my own world again. toodles.

yea well. my own world.
::mk::

all abt one tree hill.

2005-03-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

ok.my blog has really gone bonkers, and i just don't know what to do about it, so gabriel, guess i'm not that handy after all. but the fact that you are reading this because it's published, then it should be my com that's having the problem.oh wells.whatev with the formalities.let's get on with it.

yeah.i'm ALL about one tree hill. and really. truth is, no one is watching cept Ben that bee-yatch.lolx. and it's killing me coz i have NO ONE to talk to about it.Ben? he's bored with it.already. i bet you didn't make it to season 2. aiyah. i'll just get caught up in my stupid world.lolx.so.. well. it's been a reasonable week i guess, and today was the last day of school. got the results. yep. not good. i think i'll show it tomorrow. damn. my memory is failing me. i have forgotten like.a million things. hate myself for that. what ever happened to the me that was alert? geez.hmm. so last night was Synergy 05'. aha. was ok bah. pretty normal. wouldn't say the same for the 3E dudes lah HOR.haha.

so there has been lot of stuff wheeling through my head.like i'm running across a highway road full of cars and whatnot. you get my drift. if you don't, shut up and get out. haha. well. i just have a lot of moods. there really are a million gazillion things i want to pen/type down. but like everyone else.i just. well. can't put it down into words.those words don't exist. that's why stuff like that are so personal and real. and i guess in a way that's cool.. but sometimes you just wanna open up. and it really sucks when you can't take it any longer and no one seems to understand you. shucks.hang on. need to make a few msgs.

Bundit=>hey.you're most welcome for the testimonial. it's fine.haha.rock on.
Jared=>hey hey kor. you always seem confused.you're confuzzled.DUDE.like try and chill and think "stuff"out. ok. it's either this or that. tough decision but.take a strong step and if you make a mistake, take it in your stride. things will work out one way or another.
shuey=>girl.we have SO not been catching up. so ya. book a day. come see me work Friday k? haha.will be at suntec.
cheng=>oh mann. gotta make it up to you. and i will.so EXTREMELY sorry.
Jos=>YOUR MESSAGE IS IN CAPS BECAUSE THIS EMOTION CAN BE ONLY EXPRESSED IN CAPS.I WAS IN TOTAL AWE OF YOUR OUTFIT ON SYNERGY.AND FOR ONCE.YOU WERE A BLOKE.AIN'T NO CHIOBU NO MORE.WHOO HOOO!
mui=>hey.haha. had a great time today.thanks jie.
jo=>we are the time crisis partners.but you mati earlier than i did.haha.i wasted so much money there.lolx.

ok. back to my entre.so... ok. i notice your nicks now and then. and when i saw that.. i couldn't help but feel.. "hey. you're in my shoes now.and you know how i feel." i'm sorry. but yea. again. it was me who took the whole package. you seemed so sheltered. not fair. but i don't care. we'll see how it goes.

yea.i've been ranting.(in my mind.) about all these moods i have to go through everyday.and like i've mentioned before, it so routineous. i'm so tired. and this might sound stupid because one tree hill is just this really crazy and OH so addictively good show, but i know. i do, i don't know if there is some meaning.. deeper down than it appears on the surface, but it's not superficial. i can relate to it. the characters..plot.everything.so it's somewhat like my sanctuary. if you get what i mean. i feel it. but just as well if no one wants to watch it. haha. the hotties in there belong to me. ok.kidding. but hey. they have some serious eye-candy in there. hee hee. currently into eps 10. wee.. waiting for 11. lalalala. i LOVE haley!! HALEY!!

mk,shut up. thanks.
::mk::

know you're dying.and try so to live on.

2005-03-06T16:00:00.000+08:00

we all have different issues. and we cannot avoid problems. face them. be brave. know that you're dying. and try so to live on.

i can't say the same for you. because i am me. and you are you. we're two people. not one. the last thing i want for you to regard me as is your property. you've made me feel that. so don't. i need my friends too. i confess. i cannot be alone. if i wasn't there for you 24/7, i'm sorry. if you can't understand that friends are around for you at heart, even if they are not there for you in person, i'm sorry. and if you can't accept change, i'm sorry. if i have been the worst you've ever known, i'm sorry. because. this is me. and i prefer to be accepted and acknowledged for who and what i am, not someone to be adjusted or changed to suit your personality. i respect you for who you are, ditto for your personality. if you can't do the same, i'm sorry. this is how it is. i'm really disappointed. because all those you have wrote in your letters. you have made me feel that you don't mean what you write. if i'm wrong to say so, i'm sorry. i cannot help these situations. and i cannot help how i feel. so i'm sorry. you can hate me all you want. you can get the whole world and tell on me. even get them to turn the tables on me and detest me. but let me tell you. i'm not afraid. i can face it. but just so you know. when all this blow over. i am still your friend. to me. even to and till this point. you are my friend.

so. i have been caught up in -one tree hill- can't get enuff of it. ughh. ben. where are ya? i can only discuss this show with you. since you're that u.s freak and so am i. *winks*. there is nth much to blog abt.. just feel like taking some time off to pen down emotions. oh well. i am a sensitive thang. ok. there. CHAD! i want you so bad~. hahahaha. yes. i know you're married. lolx.

it's a big world out there.
::mk::

it's NOT ok.

2005-03-02T14:05:00.000+08:00

well.missed 3 days of school.sec 1 camp.

i'll just summarise the things that i did.
nature rumble.
kayaking.
high element confidence build-up rope courses.
rock wall.
facilitatiting.
camp fire.
team dynamics

there you go.

all those in 3 days.

it was great. the camp. i got to get away from everything at school. at least for 72 hrs. but i guess it's ok.not really in a good mood coz i found out i failed math and poa in the overall.i was never a math person. oh wells. sighh.

Vivian.it's up to you to tell me who that person is.. really. coz well.. i'm just a friend to back you up.whatever squabbles we had.i don't care. you're still my friend.that's all. besides, i got a lot on my hands.ok? cheer up.

back to camp stuff. hee. not gonna elaborate on the details, coz i don't wanna lose that home feeling the sec 3s who went there and i share. haha. we had our great moments. quick mention to the following:

Jacq.i'm STILL have your hair band.give it to me already lahh.lolx.had fun ya?
shuey.hee.we had a fun time. hai zai tong yi zhang chuang sui jiao. tao yan~..lolx. ^_^
Cheng.haha. didn't talk much, but glad to see you smile.. hope your hand's ok.
bin bin. HAHa. Godd.how? addicted to your BABY POWDER smell.
Carol.weeee. see you do the canteen stuff like want to die want to die like that. hee. jia you k.
wei jie.you still DAO-ING me. i said sorry abt scaring you with the whole water thing le mahh.. *pouts* haha.
Bun.haha. your morning pt is great. just try to be louder like what mr kwok says. you've a adorable personality.. and you really show that off to everyone. haha. continue to do so.
nana.wee! it was FANTASTIC working with ya. 5,6 OI!!! s'up s'up OI!!!
Jared. haha. had a great time with the camp and all didn't we? esp the song.lolx. JARED THE PINK NOSE REINDEER.. HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE.. AND IF YOU EVER SAW IT.. YOU WOULD EVER SEE IT GLOW..lolx.
bernie.haha. TUKI TUKI the next time we see each other k?

yeah. that's it. ughh. the good thing abt camp is you get to break away from the tedious sch life for a short period. kinda like fantasy.ha.but immediately after you come back.. reality.slaps you right in the face.harshly. forced to deal with it.haiz. that's exactly what's happening to me now.
oh wells.sooner or later. schwork. personal stuff. etc.whatever.

really tired.

shucks lah. damn it.

2005-02-22T22:14:00.000+08:00

shit you. seriously. you will be the death of me. but you know what. i won't hate you. i'll just leave it. because it's a burden. i can't wait for you. walk away. and another plus to your favour. i'll just disappear and never talk to you ever again. bye.

i never said thank you for that.thought
i might get one more chance.
::mk::

hear you me.

2005-02-21T19:14:00.000+08:00

whoopee. ya'll. or rather.mk! i'm super proud of you. hees. i've thought it all out. and credit goes to Jolyn. If you never asked. I wouldn't have sorted it all out. thanks gurl. you are super duper. we should have lunch more often ya? *winks*

hmm. well. i have Jolyn to thank.. and Jimmy Eat World. seriously. i never thought music was this powerful. strong. immense. intense. full of feel. if you get my drift already. 'hear you me' helped me think too. or was it just because it was linked to that movie. that scene. lolx. regardless. i'm really happy todae. thanks. to everything that helped me pull through. that's another complete chapter.wells. on to the next. hehe. you know what. entertainment just proved itself to another level. and it just made an ardent fan(me.) more keen into entering that industry. hahas.

i just wanna drop a few hollas to the following ppl.

Jolyn.thank you SO much for today. you probably don't get the whole thing? haha. i just wanna say thanks for the great company today.

Mui2.so sorry i couldn't go with ya'll todae.next time kay?

sue.ugh.if i did not have you i wouldn't know what to do. thanks for being there for me to fall on.the 21 words i just typed are just really. the MICRO minority to sum up the help you had for me. and the thanks i have for you. love you to bits.

mira.GURL i SO miss you.although your um. words of wisdom CAN be a pain sometimes. you are still the dearest bff i could ever ask for.um. minus the pain you are at times and you are OFF the HEE-ZACK!lolx.love you love you love you LOADS. miss ya gurl.

cheng.hmm. we've had many unhappy moments. let the current one be the last.. and i ask of you to be strong. carry on brave girl. i know you have a heart of gold. and hey. it's ok if you think i'm not good enough, because no one's perfect.i wanna let you know that i'm ALWAYS here for you. and if i'm not there in person. i'm there for you at heart. thanks for being a great friend. you still are. and will be.

mary.haha.you cheer up abt your science.thanks for your advice and comfort. i am so glad to have found a dear friend in you. rock on gurl. oh and don't worry abt D****. he will come to his senses.trust me. if he doesn't well, you have 2 options. 1. kick him in the butt. 2. lay back and let fate and karma and those justice thingies you believe in take charge. i got your back girl.

i am on the road to WaCkInEsS again! i finally understood something. you can't rush life.live it to your fullest. every single moment.and life is always beautiful.even with setbacks.bad karma. but it's really up to you to decide which side of life you wanna live on. sure it has its bad times, but it has to go on. continue.never give up on yourself. hee. i'm going philosophic.muahahahaha.

may angels lead you in.
hear you me.
::mk::

may angels lead you in.

2005-02-19T19:42:00.000+08:00

i'll find my tale.someday. zettai. watashi no oujisama.

'hear you me' by jimmy eat world.

there's no one in town I know
you gave us some place to go.
i never said thank you for that.
i thought I might get one more chance.
what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
i never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance
may angels lead you in.
hear you me my friends.
on sleepless roads the sleepless go.
may angels lead you in.
so what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
i never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
may angels lead you in.
hear you me my friends.
on sleepless roads the sleepless go.
may angels lead you in.
may angels lead you in.
may angels lead you in.
and if you were with me tonight,
i'd sing to you just one more time.
a song for a heart so big,
God wouldn't let it live.
may angels lead you in.
hear you me my friends.
on sleepless roads the sleepless go.
may angels lead you in.
may angels lead you in.
hear you me my friends.
on sleepless roads the sleepless go.
may angels lead you in.
may angels lead you in.

love,
::mk::

i tried to be perfect.

2005-02-17T22:14:00.000+08:00

hmmm.

mood: lousy. but not lower than low.

i think i'm reaching the light at the end of the tunnel soon.

there are still issues to be discussed.still.but for now.i lay low.

so.bubbles. please.that was stupid.really.i hope you can sense that your close ones are very tired already.put yourself in either of our shoes.i thought you understood.when she told her painful story.and yours.is in the minor region.call me superficial.but please.take a good look around.if you want the whole wold to shout out your name.pour over you.and shower you with utmost concern.spell it out.don't do this.you seem almost desperate.

***********

i really.miss 2004.i wish that none of this happened.i am going there tmr.and i think i'd have to read out names.and face it.again.when i try to tell myself.it's over.over.i know i can't.my thoughts are messy.whoever is reading this and you don't understand, my job is done. i just really want something to turn to.for a moment todae.i felt something lift me up, after talking to her.after seeing her cry.after helping someone.i feel light.that's one thing.the other is dark.deep.thick.angry.

i can't do anything.i think.i ran out of emotions to help express myself better.because i can't shed a single tear.even though there's a heartache inside.and no matter how i try to break free. i can't. i am blind.i throw myself in.and i sank.drowned.i didn't care if i could come back up.

when my world broke down.it seemed to slow down the whole world.the intensity increases.the pain increases.the voices around me multiply by another hundred.dramatic? i think not.everyone has their own dramatic moment. but to the others.it was just another day. passing them.passing me by.

i am staring into the cover of the vcd cheng lent me.the catchphrase.the title.does it realy exist? does it really happen? now i know what's the real meaning of fairy-tale.i find console in this movie.so i foolishly continue to believe that one day.i'll be like her too.

it's right.my tears.(if any)are turning into time.

i shall continue to be dumb.
because i can't let go.

i'm always stuck with these emotions.
::mk::

RNEOJIETCCTEIJOENR

2005-02-16T22:10:00.001+08:00

RNEOJIETCCTEIJOENR.

no exactly in the best of moods. so i'll just start off with brief thanks and notes to my dearries:

sue.thanks.i know that you feel for me.i appreciate it.but i think i'd like to be in the dark side awhile.i'll emerge from there soon.time.

mary.thanks.for the advice and all.it's really good fortune to have known you.i wish you happiness and strength to ovcome your problems ya.

cheng.i hope you dun feel neglected and all.but i just need a bit of space.i really thank you for the advice.words and letters.i know you're worried.but i'm ok.dun worry.

others. thanks ya.for everything.

ok.so...

i'm not the no.1 person to express myself well in words.
i know that.
but i need something to confide into.

this morning was really statement day.
i feel really really bad.

my heart was up in my throat.
pounding.beating.hard.

when she came rushing into the room, saying she was with him.
coming.going there.
she asked me whether i wanted her to come.
i said it's ok.
knowing it won't be.

but deep down in me. i knew sooner or later.
the ending would still be constant.

put on a brave front.
took hesitant but huge steps to where the table was.
eyes met.
hello.
i sat down.
she looked at me.
she looked at him.
he looked at me.
i looked at him.
turned away.

it was a blur. i can't recall the details. it was a fast blur. hit me hard. left me fast.
but still.the impact of the words are still repeating in my head. ringing through my ears.
he spoke.
what is that tone?
not gentle.
not harsh.
tactful.
business-like.
when here we are.
talking abt something fragile.
and he broke it.
not realising the shattered pieces.
don't know. don't care.

friend.
this word is more than meets the eye.
complex.
you love it.you hate it.

many things went through my head during the conversation.
angry stuff. the crying me.
"i took pains to finally give it to you with my own hands."
you had to blow it.
"are you saying you'll accept it if it was cheap?"
dumb.no?
"not another word.for another word from you.your voice. would have torn me apart.wait.you already have."
i hate you. do i mean it?

great. i have many more hits in the face.
many more.
to deal.to face.to solve.again.
so although the heartache still remains.
although the pain still sleeps inside.
and although it will awaken when you're near.
i'll try.

for you.
for me.

i want to let you know.
it's over.

because you gave me a clear picture.
i'm not stupid.
i'm human.
i feel.
i sense.
i know.

i wish you happiness.
and.
i'm sorry.

i tried to be perfect.
nothing was worth it.
::mk::

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

a pain that sleeps inside.awakens when you're near.

2005-02-16T22:10:00.000+08:00